About Me and My Credentials Regarding Surviving Child Abuse

 As I said on my welcome page, my childhood was so dangerous and violent I became learning disabled. So, putting this blog together has been interesting but also hard because so much of it is over my head. So, please, be patient with me, because you will see lots of mistakes.

My family raised me in domestic violence, brainwashing me to believe I was useless and defective.

They saturated me in abuse, and it became the faulty foundation I mistakenly tried to build my life on.  I had no one to tell me different. For almost my entire life, I was promiscuous, insecure, and needy. I excelled in self-destruction and self-loathing behavior. I flunked out of college twice. Once in the 1980s and the second time was this past summer of 2018.
Locked in low-income jobs, I worked my full-time job plus any part-time job I could get. Surviving was hard. My stress levels were always high, and I did not know how to problem-solve. Alcohol was my escape, but blowing money on it did not help.

Still, I got drunk daily, running from the staggering pain of the repressed child abuse which led me straight to domestic violence.

I did not realize that every man I got involved with embodied aspects of the home life I was desperate to escape. I drank heavily and irresponsibly for thirty years. I also survived two failed suicide attempts, the latest being only four years ago.
My life in recovery began in 1990. The man I was living with allowed his angry alcoholic father to move in with us. He kept a loaded shotgun by the front door. Terrified, I reached out to psychotherapy and found myself diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Alcoholism.

In the upcoming years, I would try to stop drinking only to relapse multiple times.

I saw different therapists, learning from each and slowly getting better. I was unconscious of what my family buried deep within me, but I kept going back. For me, it has been my hard work in therapy that helped me get sober and stay sober because I came to understand how I turned into an alcoholic.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Can you relate to anything I have mentioned?
I am sharing my story, but there are millions to be told
So, please, read on because the purpose of my blogs is to increase awareness about child abuse and other important topics as well as to share how to recover and live a happy and productive life.

Today, I am a happy recovering alcoholic who celebrated 11 solid years of sobriety this past November 16th of 2018.

I am happier than I ever dreamed I could be even though I live off of government disability and am buried in debt. I sleep well at night and am not frightened about my future. I believe it will all work out because my self-esteem and self-confidence are healing. Those are building blocks that strengthen my foundation now.
Today, I understand addiction. I understand how recovery works. I am very honest about the mistakes I have made in my life and how I am turning my life around into a happy and productive lifestyle.
Now, I make better choices than I did during my drinking career because I have learned new ways to manage myself and problem solve. Anyone can learn them if they choose to.
Therefore, I write and blog.

One of my life’s ambition is that my readers see that a happy, gratifying life is possible for those who chase it down and make it their own.

And I hope others will see some of themselves in my writing.

I am intent on personal growth; that is how I have gotten better. I work on that still and will for the rest of my life. I hope that that is something that interests you.
So, what will you do?
Are you happy with where you are or do you have areas in your life you want to improve?
The choice, timing, and pace are yours to set in motion. You will know, deep inside yourself, when you are ready to join those of us who have found genuine happiness and know where we belong.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a brave person. I hope things go well for you. This blog is very inspiring.

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  2. Hi, Josh! I thank you for your kind words and encouragement! I am doing everything I know to do to keep myself moving forward. I wish you only the very best!

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  3. Thank you for your story! I'm INFJ- and a writer too! I've been campaigning (slowly but surely) for mental illness/brain injury awareness. I'm a long time experiencer of severe anxiety, and sustained a brain injury five years ago. I am so glad to see other stories of struggle and success out in the world.

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    1. Hi, Bridget!

      What a pleasure to meet you!!
      Good for you, honey, I am proud to know you!
      Are you anywhere on the web?
      I thank you for your kind feedback!

      Best Always,
      Landon

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