Saturday, June 3, 2017

About Me and My Credentials

My family raised me to believe that I was useless and defective. That reigned supreme in my thoughts and actions and became the faulty foundation I mistakenly tried to build my life on.  For almost my entire life, I was promiscuous, insecure, and needy. I excelled in self-destruction and self-loathing behavior. I flunked out of college in the 1980’s. Locked in low-income jobs, I worked my full-time job plus any part-time job I could get. Surviving was hard. My stress levels were always high and I did not know how to effectively solve my problems. Alcohol was my escape, but blowing money on it did not help. Still, I got drunk daily, running from the staggering pain of repressed child abuse which led me straight into domestic violence. I did not realize that every man I got involved with embodied aspects from the home life I was desperate to escape. I drank heavily and irresponsibly for thirty years. I also survived two failed suicide attempts, the latest being only four years ago.

My life in recovery began in 1990. The man I was living with allowed his angry alcoholic father to move in with us. He kept a loaded shotgun by the front door. Terrified, I reached out to psychotherapy and found myself diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Alcoholism. In the upcoming years, I would try to stop drinking only to relapse multiple times. I saw different therapists as well, learning from each and slowly getting better. I was unconscious of what was buried deep within myself, but I kept going back. For me, it has been my hard work in therapy that helped me get sober and stay sober because I came to understand how I turned into an alcoholic in the first place.

Today, I am a happy recovering alcoholic who will celebrate 10 solid years of sobriety this coming November 16th of 2017.  I am happier than I could ever dream I could be, even though I live off of government disability and am buried in debt. I sleep well at night and am not frightened about my future. I believe it will all work out because my self-esteem and self-confidence are healing. Those are some of the building blocks that strengthen my foundation now.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Can you relate to anything I have mentioned? Please, read on because the purpose of my blog is to share how to recover and live a happy and productive life.

Today, I understand addiction inside and out. I understand how recovery works. I am very honest about the mistakes I have made in my life and how I am turning my life around into a happy and productive lifestyle. Now, I make better choices than I did during my drinking career because I have learned new ways to manage myself and problem solve. Anyone can learn them if they choose to. This is why I write and blog.

One of my life’s ambition is that my readers see that a happy, gratifying life is possible to those who chase it down and make it their own. I hope others will see some of themselves in my writing.

One of the productive activities I am doing now is learning how to write the best I can. My goal with going to school to better my writing skills is so I can produce writing I hope to sell. I am enrolled as a Freshman at St. Louis University in their School for Professional Studies which is entirely online. As a student at SLU, I have access to many excellent resources, one being career evaluations. I did mine and my results are that I am an ENFJ. What that means is this: "The Personality Type, according to the assessment, that best describes your preferred style is ENFJ. The nickname for this Type is "Mentor" or "Mobilizer" and it is shared by approximately 5% of the population. Thus, 95% of those you meet perceive the world around them differently from the way you do. The NF focuses primarily on humanity, highly valuing relationships, the democratic process, ideals, integrity, and communication. Intent on personal growth, the NF fosters understanding and self-determination, seeks meaning, is patient with complicated situations and turns liabilities into assets, often seeing what is not obvious." This career testing answered so many questions I had plus, it described me perfectly.

I am intent on personal growth; that is how I have gotten better. I work on that still and will for the rest of my life. I hope that that is something that interests you.

So, what will you do? Are you happy with where you are or do you have areas in your life you want to improve?

The choice, timing, and pace are yours to set in motion. You will know, deep inside yourself, when you are ready to join those of us who have found genuine happiness and know where we belong.

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