Sunday, June 28, 2015

Why I Am Spilling My Guts

It helps me to face and accept what ails me and it gives my mood a much needed lift. I have inside me a lot of negative and unproductive toxic junk and once I face it and accept it for what it truly is I feel much better.

To me facing it for what it really is is critically important in healing. I have encountered in my life a consistent attitude that I understand first hand. I have been scared to face the dark, negative and ugly thoughts I have found in my own head. I did not know how to manage them or even if it was possible to manage them. So I did what I was taught to do. I stuffed them.

Sound familiar? I stuffed them back into the dark recesses of my thoughts and did everything I could to sedate myself so I did not have to encounter them. I would drink myself into oblivion or eat myself into oblivion or drug myself into oblivion. However I could gain the best level of numbness possible worked for me. Or so I thought.

I ended up needing more and more alcohol or more and more drugs or more and more food. This behavior never satisfied me. Do you know why that is?

I'll tell you: it never satisfied me or got me what I truly needed to resolve whatever ailed me because it did not identify exactly what was wrong so I could assemble a solid plan of action to correct it.

Do you have a doctor you see? Why do you go to him or her? Is it because they can diagnose what is going on plus they provide you with a solution hopefully. Knowing exactly what the problem is is most of the solution. Do you understand why that is? It's because that is your current reality. You have a handful of symptoms and your doctor told you what it is.

Knowledge is power. You are not flailing around in the dark; you now have the answer you were looking for and a plan of action to correct it to the best of your ability.

Mental health issues are no different from physical health issues. If you don't know exactly what is bothering you you will never get to the other side of it successfully. You will never experience the joy of getting those ugly thoughts resolved and silent for good.

I know what that feels like. I know what that joy and that  relief and that anxiety reducing experience feels like. It C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y R-O-C-K-S

Completely.
Unquestionably.
Utterly.

Over the years, I have faced many of my personal demons. I know that I still have a long way to go and I know that I will get myself there one day at a time.

I am on MY path to Recovery and it is so much more peaceful and easier than it was when I first began it.

Before, I dreaded going to sleep at night because the problems would overcrowd my brain and the anxiety would take hold of me and I would end up crying myself to sleep.

Now, I look forward to each and every morning because when I go to bed at night I can easily settle down and actually get to sleep. All of those nasty problems that overcrowded my brain are resolved and done with. I faced them all with the help of a very talented psychotherapist but I faced them. And you can too.

I am hoping that you are asking me how did I do that?

I had to sit down and accept them for what they were and how they affected me. Someone said something cruel to me and it crushed me. That is very real and once I accepted my reality that it crushed me I was then able to move past it. It was painful and it was tough to do but I did it. I got myself through it and past it.


To be continued....................


1 comment:

  1. This is a very good post because it just shows what you've accomplished all these years. To face your problems and find a solution for it. Most of the time, facing it, is talking about it.
    It's always hard to face your problems especially if it concerns the mental state, there is the stigma you have worry about, and you're afraid to find out if you're going to get better or not.

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