Thursday, October 31, 2013

Gratitude for 10-31-2013 and Not Obligated to be a People Pleaser Anymore

Today I am grateful to realize that I am not obligated to be a people pleaser, that it is completely OK to say No when I don't want to do something someone asks me to do. Also I am not obligated to give reasons for saying no. I can then choose how important that relationship is to me and on whether I want to give that person reasons on why I am saying no to them.

For ages, deep inside me, I was afraid that if I didn't follow along with the proverbial crowd, I would be rejected, I would be all alone.  That belief put me directly in the path of people I really didn't want to spend time with and I ended up being manipulated which I now realize that resulted in depression issues for me.

I have come to learn and also to realize that I have the prerogative to select what I want to do and with whom.  I have rights, just like anyone else does and I have to right to enjoy myself and do as I please. Being manipulated or bullied into doing something I don't want to do simply because I choose not to no longer has to be part of my life.

To me, realizing this and implementing it into my life go hand in hand, it is every bit as important to stand my ground when I say no and am met with responses pressuring  to do what I have just stated that I do not want to.  That is also a way for me to see who respects me and respects my needs and who is trying to manipulate me into doing what I do not want to do.   Also, I am not obligated to give anyone a reason why not. If I chose to give a reason, that is because that relationship is important to me and I would want to preserve it. There also is letting someone down gently. Standing my ground is critically important to me, taking care of me is my biggest responsibility!! And I am loving learning how to do that!! It ROCKS!!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Getting the Emotional Side of Overeating Under Control

I am an emotional eater. Name the emotion and I overate to go along with it. I would stuff myself with fattening and unhealthy foods to not feel the emotions that made me unhappy. It was the only way I knew how to cope. I either overate or I drank myself into oblivion because I lacked the coping skills to deal with what was going on it my life or to face old hurts.

One of the coping skills I learned to use is Journaling. I write out whatever my thoughts are about any given topic, I usually write down thoughts that cross my mind and free write either handwritten or typed out what I am thinking about, feeling over xyz topic. I have found out that I had a ton of suppressed anger, hatred, rage along with some other negative emotions that did not belong to me. I had picked them up along the way in my life and found myself stuck with them. Stuck with them until I learned how to rid myself of them permanently.

I am also in Psychotherapy and have been for ages now. It has been very worth all the time I have spent writing out, accepting old ineffective behaviour and replacing it with healthier tools to face my life with on a daily basis. Believe me, for me it has been a very long road and at times, it has been very painful. However, today as I am today, I am happy, much happier than I ever thought I could be. And, the emotional cravings for unhealthy foods are gone.

For me, that is HUGE!!  I can still eat foods I enjoy and now I eat them in moderation. I can eat whatever I want to and I am now finding myself eating healthier foods and actually wanting those and not wanting foods that are unhealthy for me.

Because of this eating pattern, my weight has roller coasted throughout my adult life. I have weighted 325 pounds at my heaviest and I have weighted 130 pounds at my slimmest. I am now losing weight once again after having gained back roughly 80 pounds and getting myself to a weight of 266 lbs. I am short, this is not acceptable for me. I am determined to get the excess weight OFF once and for ALL!!

Gratitude for 10-30-2013 and Being Grateful for the Ability to Say No Thank You.

"Today I am very grateful for understanding how important it is to follow the path I chose and to be able to politely but firmly say No Thank You to requests for events I do not want to participate in. This frees me up to do what is healthy and what works for me and to spend my time wisely doing what I enjoy and love. "

Do you know how and when to say : "No, thank you, I have to pass on that."  One behaviour I am modifying is to stop and think about what I want to do or what I do not want to do and who I want to spend my time with. Not everyone clicks and not all events are fun or beneficial for everyone.

For me to follow and carefully think through what I want to do and with who has greatly improved my outlook and mental health. I am not feeling as exhausted as I have been and I am really getting a kick out of what I get to do with my time.

I am looking at what and where my boundaries are and what I can do to set and protect those boundaries. I have people in my life who respect them and I also have people who don't. I believe that everyone does, we all know people who need to be reminded of what is ok and what isn't. They can be co-workers, neighbours, family.....

In my life, I have allowed myself to be led about by my nose because deep down, I was afraid of being rejected if I didn't follow along. I am so glad I have finally realized and am understanding why I did that and how to behave in a healthier way for me.

Here are some great articles on saying no politely and firmly.

7 Ways to Say "No" and Keep Good Relations

Ten Keys to Handling Unreasonable and Difficult People

Best Wishes!!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Gratitude for 10-29-2013 and Being Grateful for Mental Health Improvement Tools

Today I am grateful for the tools I have access to and have used over the years to improve my mental health dysfunctions and turn them into positive and healthy behaviour.

I find the process of addressing outdated and no longer useful behaviour, examining it and replacing it with positive, healthy and assertive behaviour fascinating!! I can decide on what area I want to work on and I either journal about it or I listen to positive behaviour modification Hypnosis scripts to see and address old and outdated behaviour, face it and accept it as what I once did but no longer need to. I can then decide what I want to do from now on, how can I change that behaviour into positive and healthier behaviour.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Gratitude for 10-24-2013 and Being Grateful for Building Solid Self-esteem

Today I am very grateful that it is even possible for me to build my self-esteem.

According to Dr. Nathaniel Branden, self-esteem is a particular way of experiencing the self. He goes on to say this:

"It is more complex than any mental picture of ourselves and more basic than any transitory feeling. It contains emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components.....Our responses to other people, to the challenges of work, to the sight of suffering or beauty, to the vicissitudes of life-all are affected by our deepest sense of who we are, what we are capable of, what we deserve."

I have taken the above statements from one of Dr. Nathaniel Branden's books: Self-Esteem Every Day. It is truly a wonderful book and it FULL of wisdom, truths and insights. I can't recommend it enough!!

I am very grateful to finally be at this stage of my recovery; I believe that I am done with the poison and toxic influences of my past and now I get the privilege and responsibility to work on me!  And I love it, it FEELS Great!!!!!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Gratitude for 10-21-2013 and Being Grateful for the Choice to Release Everything that Interferes with My Happiness

Today and everyday I have the privilege and responsibility to rid myself of everything that interferes with my being and staying happy.

I have been working on this process for quite a while now. For me, it has taken careful thought, determined deliberation and many many years in psychotherapy to process what works and what doesn't. Also, I get to replace the negative with constructive positive behaviour. That is where the fun begins, LOL And once I get rid of what interferes with my happiness, I get to take steps to make sure it doesn't get back in. And that is where setting up healthy boundaries and saying "no" comes into play.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Gratitude for 10-11-2013 and Being Grateful for Rising Self-Esteem

Today I am so very grateful for the improvements I am seeing in my self-esteem as I move forward in my life. I see myself benefit from developing self-sufficiency and managing myself to the best of my ability.

As I learn and move myself through situations that crippled me in the past, I see the improvement in my outlook. I am building on this foundation and moving in the direction I have longed for for many many years.

Learning how to say "no" politely and firmly to requests I do not want to do or that I believe would benefit me, learning how to set my boundaries, even figuring out what those boundaries are!

If you google Self-Esteem and/or Setting Boundaries, you will find an absolute wealth of information on how to set boundaries, how to figure them out. Of course, non of this can take the place of a good psychotherapist in the event you need one and would benefit from one.

Happy Boundary Setting!!!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Gratitude for 10-10-2013 and Being Grateful for the Choices I Am Privileged to Make

Today and everyday I am grateful for the fact that I have so many choices to pick from!  I can decide how I want to live my life, conduct myself on a daily basis and improve myself to the very best of my abilities in my physical, mental and emotional health.

I get to make all the decisions in my own life. I can chose to be happy, mad, sad, go shopping, not go shopping, what I eat and on and on and on....................I am very grateful for this, otherwise, someone else making my decisions for me could very easily not be in my best interest.

I have the privilege of doing that myself. Good decisions or bad ones, I get to make them and learn how to better my problem solving skills. I am learning what behaviours to enjoy and which to change. I do not have to allow every one I meet into my life, I can set boundaries and keep them in place.

This ROCKS!!!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Gratitude for 10-05-2013 and Being Grateful for Implimenting Coping Skills

Today I am grateful to be able to approach situations that  I would clam up in and walk away from in an attempt to manage my anxiety.

 I have absolutely no idea how many of these situations I have screwed up by pulling myself out of the picture.  It was my go to reaction so prolly pretty much daily.

I can see how needy and desperate I came across to people in my past because I was needy and desperate! I am doing much better in that area now and am happily gaining the self-esteem and confidence that has eluded me for so many years of my life. I also understand how me behaving that way would attract other unhealthy personalities into my life, such as people whose goal was not to be helpful but to be controlling. 

Now, I do my best to remain standing and address them in a much healthier manner. I strive to be assertive and clear, not to resort to being angry or insulting as I once did. I strive to develop compassion in handling these situations and I learning to say "no" in a kind and firm way. I am far from perfect but I believe and can see where I am doing better than I did before.

I want practise in handling myself in face to face situations where I have to think on my feet. Interacting online is wonderful but it allows me to step back and think about how I want to handle each situation where my anxiety barometer stands up and pays attention, LOL.  Sometimes my emotions run pretty high and I mess up in those.  I can get the time to think that I need in face to face situations by simply saying, let me think about that and get back to you on it. Or a simple No, Thank You works also, even if I have to repeat that more than once.

My point is to stand my ground since I am the one who gets the privilege of making the important and the little decisions in my life and believe me, it gets more and more fun every single day!

Friday, October 4, 2013

Gratitude for 10-4-2013 and Being Grateful for Pacing Myself

Today I am grateful that I can get done what I need to on my own schedule.

I can work on whichever craft I want to pretty much and take my time. I go to bed and get up when I want to, most nights at least. Once in a while I can't get to sleep but no where as much as before.
I can work from home and in my jammies, eat at my desk and turn off my phone if I want total peace and quiet.

I love that I can do this, it really makes a huge difference for me!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Gratitude for 10/02/2013 and Learning Effective Beneficial Coping Skills

Today I am grateful for the fact that I am learning effective coping skills that I know will only benefit me.

I am getting to learn how to manage situations and people who used to bother me or I would get angry or upset with. I don't have to distance myself or cut people out of my life anymore. I am learning how to manage myself when I find myself in those situations and I can develop roots in my emotional life. I can develop roots and build on that solid foundation and move on to handling myself maturely. I am looking forward to enriching my life with a variety of people and experiences.