Sunday, September 15, 2013

Journaling to Get My Feelings Out in the Open

I journal avidly, something bothers me and down it goes on paper. I have been in psychotherapy for decades and learned early on that writing helped me get a solid grasp on what was bothering me. This way, I can get a good look at what my issue is and how I want to modify my viewpoint on it or how to improve my behaviour to get that issues behind me. I have done a lot of work on my issues and I have come a very LONG way!!  I believe that I have gotten the issues of my childhood behind me and in doing that a lot of the overeating I was doing that was tied to those issues has subsided.

Now, I find myself turning to food because of issues in my daily life are stressing me out. I am an addict, I have an addictive personality. I did pot, speed, coke and drank to subdue my demons. Alcohol was easier to get my hands on and not as expensive so that became my drug of choice. I drank heavily for over 30 years. It is a flat out miracle that I was never in trouble with the law, I drank and drove frequently.  I also used food as a mask to not address the issues that troubled me for so many years.

I have been sober and clean for almost 6 years now. My dry date is 11-16-2007. I stopped the illegal drugs and the alcohol but I continued to overeat trying to squash the emotions I was running from desperately. I had no idea I was doing this. I had no idea how destructive I was being to myself. Everything was a struggle, I had lost control of my life.

I could not figure out how I had gotten myself there. I looked for a therapist and found the psychotherapist I still go to today. After more years of sabotaging myself, I finally understood how I had gotten to be that way.  I still struggle with sabotaging myself but I am much better than I was.

1 comment: