Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Coping with Being Self-Destructive

I have a self-destructive personality. That is why I became an alcoholic, ( I have been sober and clean now since 11-16-2007) one of the reasons why I over eat...A lot of things in my life are going beautifully now and while I love that, I sense an undercurrent of it won't last, something will go wrong...old behavior that kept my life in crisis mode for so many years of my life.

I have had in my past the tendency to screw myself up when things are going well for me. I want to be able to fully recognize and accept this about myself because for me, when I recognize, face and accept my behavior where I derail myself, I can work on it and change it so I don't continue to do that.   

I have my therapy session this Friday and I will discuss this at length with Sandy, but I see myself also realizing that it is ok for me to be happy and content regardless of what is happening around me. Life has it's ups and downs, how I handle those ups and downs are what is important. And also having my meds properly adjusted makes a big difference too, LOL I laugh at that but for me, it is the absolute truth! I have tried to navigate my life with my anti-depressants and I cried all the time, it was awful. I feel much happier now and much more hopeful as well.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Feeling Better About Me

I can't believe how long I have been away from here. I feel  anxiety for some reason, hmmm, will have to root that out.

I am an emotional eater and will happily walk out of Walmart with very fattening desserts in my grocery bags. I currently weigh 240 pounds and my feet, knees and legs are feeling it.

I believe that some of my anxiety on posting is connected to shame about my size and weight and I do not want that to hold any power over me. I am doing the best I can with the coping skills I have to work with and each week that I go in to see my therapist, I believe that I walk out of there with more and better improved skills.

My therapist told me that for me to get better, I have to get out and around people. There is a church close to me and I have been going there( not every Sunday in a row) and have met some very kind and down to earth folks. I am really enjoying my time there. One of the ladies who attends there and I have some plans to go thrift shore shopping this Thursday and since she is driving, I am buying us some lunch. I hope the weather behaves because I am so looking forward to it!!

I am learning how to crochet and that contributes to me feeling better about myself. I have connected with a wonderful group of people on Crochet Talk
and I am very happy there. The people I have met are kind, down to earth and talented. They make me feel very welcome.

My bottom line is that I want to live my life in the manner that I can feel the best about me. That includes how I take care of my health, how I treat everyone around me and how I take care of me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.