Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Gratitude for 11-27-2013 and Being Grateful for Opportunities to Achieve Fulfilment

Today I am grateful for any and all opportunities to achieve Fulfilment.

I feel very fortunate indeed to be able to devote all the time I need to create artistic pieces I love that I can wear, use and even sell. When I get to deliver a custom handmade piece, the reaction I get to see just thrills me!

Also donating what I can to fundraisers in my area to auction off also pleases me, but it isn't enough for me. I want and I need to do more, much more.

I do not want to be stuck in yearning, I want to achieve fulfilment!  I believe that this is doable for EACH and EVERY one of us! What do you love to do more than anything at all? What brings you the MOST joy and happiness ever?  Why aren't you doing that daily?

Clear out those cobwebs and obstacles in front of you and go for it. We do only live one life, why not make it your absolute BEST!!??

Monday, November 25, 2013

Gratitude for 11-25-2013 and Being True to My Capabilities

Today I am profoundly grateful that I know that I do not have to hide my brains from anyone, any more ever again. I can let that light shine proudly and true.

When I was in the second grade, we were given aptitude tests. My results were such that my teacher advised my mother to place me in advanced classes. I remember Mother's expression and her terse words to my teacher, Sister Rosetta: " It will do her more harm than good".

As I continued my schooling, I remember finishing my math workbooks for the entire year by Thanksgiving. One of my teachers realized that I had and she praised me for my accomplishment. Well, my classmates hated me for it and ostracized me for that. I dumbed down in a futile attempt to fit in.

I realized only a handful of years ago that my mother was threatened by anyone who she perceived as better than her, so she was not about to encourage my schooling in areas where I could excel.

I know that I no longer need to or even want to continue dumbing myself down. I know I am intelligent and I choose to develop that to the very best of my capabilities.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Gratitude for 11-09-2013 and Being Grateful for Mental Health Improvements

Today and every day, I am very grateful for the improvements I am seeing in my mental health.  I see improvements daily and I am determined to continue to PLOUGH THROUGH the issues that need to be tossed out and replace them with healthy, productive and creative behaviour!

I am soooo much happier than I can even remember! And I am happy Every Single Day!! I have, with the help of excellent psychological tools and a fantastic psychotherapist, resolved some huge and far reaching poisonous issues that have plagued me for decades!  I get to crank them out by their roots and banish them from me, never to return! I am surrounded by loving, funny and creative people who I know love me and want the best for me just as I do for them!

I am truly blessed and richer than I ever dreamed I would be!

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Gratitude for 11-06-2013 and Being Grateful for Everyone Who Helped Me Save My Life

Today I am profoundly grateful for all the people who have been in and are in my life who have helped me turn from that path of self-destruction I was once on.

Over the years, I have encountered so many quality people who have touched my life in so many wonderful ways!  And at the time, I had no idea what was happening to me, I didn't know that it would all add up and I would be whole again.

I am also profoundly grateful for all of the tools I have learned and for the opportunities to learn more. My life has been forever changed!!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Gratitude for 11-02 2013 and Being Grateful for My Improving My Self-Esteem

Today I am profoundly grateful for being able to work through and process old hurts and pains and for being able to improve my self-esteem.

Life is so MUCH More FUN now!! So many things I used to worry about are gone and I feel stronger and better about myself. And getting to learn about setting boundaries and keeping them intact is getting easier for me. Before I was a very insecure frightened and followed along without speaking up for myself and I found myself going along with things I really didn't want to do. Now, after careful consideration, I can do what I want and I don't have to do what I don't.

Life is becoming a LOT of FUN for me now!!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Gratitude for 10-31-2013 and Not Obligated to be a People Pleaser Anymore

Today I am grateful to realize that I am not obligated to be a people pleaser, that it is completely OK to say No when I don't want to do something someone asks me to do. Also I am not obligated to give reasons for saying no. I can then choose how important that relationship is to me and on whether I want to give that person reasons on why I am saying no to them.

For ages, deep inside me, I was afraid that if I didn't follow along with the proverbial crowd, I would be rejected, I would be all alone.  That belief put me directly in the path of people I really didn't want to spend time with and I ended up being manipulated which I now realize that resulted in depression issues for me.

I have come to learn and also to realize that I have the prerogative to select what I want to do and with whom.  I have rights, just like anyone else does and I have to right to enjoy myself and do as I please. Being manipulated or bullied into doing something I don't want to do simply because I choose not to no longer has to be part of my life.

To me, realizing this and implementing it into my life go hand in hand, it is every bit as important to stand my ground when I say no and am met with responses pressuring  to do what I have just stated that I do not want to.  That is also a way for me to see who respects me and respects my needs and who is trying to manipulate me into doing what I do not want to do.   Also, I am not obligated to give anyone a reason why not. If I chose to give a reason, that is because that relationship is important to me and I would want to preserve it. There also is letting someone down gently. Standing my ground is critically important to me, taking care of me is my biggest responsibility!! And I am loving learning how to do that!! It ROCKS!!

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Getting the Emotional Side of Overeating Under Control

I am an emotional eater. Name the emotion and I overate to go along with it. I would stuff myself with fattening and unhealthy foods to not feel the emotions that made me unhappy. It was the only way I knew how to cope. I either overate or I drank myself into oblivion because I lacked the coping skills to deal with what was going on it my life or to face old hurts.

One of the coping skills I learned to use is Journaling. I write out whatever my thoughts are about any given topic, I usually write down thoughts that cross my mind and free write either handwritten or typed out what I am thinking about, feeling over xyz topic. I have found out that I had a ton of suppressed anger, hatred, rage along with some other negative emotions that did not belong to me. I had picked them up along the way in my life and found myself stuck with them. Stuck with them until I learned how to rid myself of them permanently.

I am also in Psychotherapy and have been for ages now. It has been very worth all the time I have spent writing out, accepting old ineffective behaviour and replacing it with healthier tools to face my life with on a daily basis. Believe me, for me it has been a very long road and at times, it has been very painful. However, today as I am today, I am happy, much happier than I ever thought I could be. And, the emotional cravings for unhealthy foods are gone.

For me, that is HUGE!!  I can still eat foods I enjoy and now I eat them in moderation. I can eat whatever I want to and I am now finding myself eating healthier foods and actually wanting those and not wanting foods that are unhealthy for me.

Because of this eating pattern, my weight has roller coasted throughout my adult life. I have weighted 325 pounds at my heaviest and I have weighted 130 pounds at my slimmest. I am now losing weight once again after having gained back roughly 80 pounds and getting myself to a weight of 266 lbs. I am short, this is not acceptable for me. I am determined to get the excess weight OFF once and for ALL!!

Gratitude for 10-30-2013 and Being Grateful for the Ability to Say No Thank You.

"Today I am very grateful for understanding how important it is to follow the path I chose and to be able to politely but firmly say No Thank You to requests for events I do not want to participate in. This frees me up to do what is healthy and what works for me and to spend my time wisely doing what I enjoy and love. "

Do you know how and when to say : "No, thank you, I have to pass on that."  One behaviour I am modifying is to stop and think about what I want to do or what I do not want to do and who I want to spend my time with. Not everyone clicks and not all events are fun or beneficial for everyone.

For me to follow and carefully think through what I want to do and with who has greatly improved my outlook and mental health. I am not feeling as exhausted as I have been and I am really getting a kick out of what I get to do with my time.

I am looking at what and where my boundaries are and what I can do to set and protect those boundaries. I have people in my life who respect them and I also have people who don't. I believe that everyone does, we all know people who need to be reminded of what is ok and what isn't. They can be co-workers, neighbours, family.....

In my life, I have allowed myself to be led about by my nose because deep down, I was afraid of being rejected if I didn't follow along. I am so glad I have finally realized and am understanding why I did that and how to behave in a healthier way for me.

Here are some great articles on saying no politely and firmly.

7 Ways to Say "No" and Keep Good Relations

Ten Keys to Handling Unreasonable and Difficult People

Best Wishes!!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Gratitude for 10-29-2013 and Being Grateful for Mental Health Improvement Tools

Today I am grateful for the tools I have access to and have used over the years to improve my mental health dysfunctions and turn them into positive and healthy behaviour.

I find the process of addressing outdated and no longer useful behaviour, examining it and replacing it with positive, healthy and assertive behaviour fascinating!! I can decide on what area I want to work on and I either journal about it or I listen to positive behaviour modification Hypnosis scripts to see and address old and outdated behaviour, face it and accept it as what I once did but no longer need to. I can then decide what I want to do from now on, how can I change that behaviour into positive and healthier behaviour.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Gratitude for 10-24-2013 and Being Grateful for Building Solid Self-esteem

Today I am very grateful that it is even possible for me to build my self-esteem.

According to Dr. Nathaniel Branden, self-esteem is a particular way of experiencing the self. He goes on to say this:

"It is more complex than any mental picture of ourselves and more basic than any transitory feeling. It contains emotional, evaluative, and cognitive components.....Our responses to other people, to the challenges of work, to the sight of suffering or beauty, to the vicissitudes of life-all are affected by our deepest sense of who we are, what we are capable of, what we deserve."

I have taken the above statements from one of Dr. Nathaniel Branden's books: Self-Esteem Every Day. It is truly a wonderful book and it FULL of wisdom, truths and insights. I can't recommend it enough!!

I am very grateful to finally be at this stage of my recovery; I believe that I am done with the poison and toxic influences of my past and now I get the privilege and responsibility to work on me!  And I love it, it FEELS Great!!!!!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Gratitude for 10-21-2013 and Being Grateful for the Choice to Release Everything that Interferes with My Happiness

Today and everyday I have the privilege and responsibility to rid myself of everything that interferes with my being and staying happy.

I have been working on this process for quite a while now. For me, it has taken careful thought, determined deliberation and many many years in psychotherapy to process what works and what doesn't. Also, I get to replace the negative with constructive positive behaviour. That is where the fun begins, LOL And once I get rid of what interferes with my happiness, I get to take steps to make sure it doesn't get back in. And that is where setting up healthy boundaries and saying "no" comes into play.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Gratitude for 10-11-2013 and Being Grateful for Rising Self-Esteem

Today I am so very grateful for the improvements I am seeing in my self-esteem as I move forward in my life. I see myself benefit from developing self-sufficiency and managing myself to the best of my ability.

As I learn and move myself through situations that crippled me in the past, I see the improvement in my outlook. I am building on this foundation and moving in the direction I have longed for for many many years.

Learning how to say "no" politely and firmly to requests I do not want to do or that I believe would benefit me, learning how to set my boundaries, even figuring out what those boundaries are!

If you google Self-Esteem and/or Setting Boundaries, you will find an absolute wealth of information on how to set boundaries, how to figure them out. Of course, non of this can take the place of a good psychotherapist in the event you need one and would benefit from one.

Happy Boundary Setting!!!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Gratitude for 10-10-2013 and Being Grateful for the Choices I Am Privileged to Make

Today and everyday I am grateful for the fact that I have so many choices to pick from!  I can decide how I want to live my life, conduct myself on a daily basis and improve myself to the very best of my abilities in my physical, mental and emotional health.

I get to make all the decisions in my own life. I can chose to be happy, mad, sad, go shopping, not go shopping, what I eat and on and on and on....................I am very grateful for this, otherwise, someone else making my decisions for me could very easily not be in my best interest.

I have the privilege of doing that myself. Good decisions or bad ones, I get to make them and learn how to better my problem solving skills. I am learning what behaviours to enjoy and which to change. I do not have to allow every one I meet into my life, I can set boundaries and keep them in place.

This ROCKS!!!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Gratitude for 10-05-2013 and Being Grateful for Implimenting Coping Skills

Today I am grateful to be able to approach situations that  I would clam up in and walk away from in an attempt to manage my anxiety.

 I have absolutely no idea how many of these situations I have screwed up by pulling myself out of the picture.  It was my go to reaction so prolly pretty much daily.

I can see how needy and desperate I came across to people in my past because I was needy and desperate! I am doing much better in that area now and am happily gaining the self-esteem and confidence that has eluded me for so many years of my life. I also understand how me behaving that way would attract other unhealthy personalities into my life, such as people whose goal was not to be helpful but to be controlling. 

Now, I do my best to remain standing and address them in a much healthier manner. I strive to be assertive and clear, not to resort to being angry or insulting as I once did. I strive to develop compassion in handling these situations and I learning to say "no" in a kind and firm way. I am far from perfect but I believe and can see where I am doing better than I did before.

I want practise in handling myself in face to face situations where I have to think on my feet. Interacting online is wonderful but it allows me to step back and think about how I want to handle each situation where my anxiety barometer stands up and pays attention, LOL.  Sometimes my emotions run pretty high and I mess up in those.  I can get the time to think that I need in face to face situations by simply saying, let me think about that and get back to you on it. Or a simple No, Thank You works also, even if I have to repeat that more than once.

My point is to stand my ground since I am the one who gets the privilege of making the important and the little decisions in my life and believe me, it gets more and more fun every single day!

Friday, October 4, 2013

Gratitude for 10-4-2013 and Being Grateful for Pacing Myself

Today I am grateful that I can get done what I need to on my own schedule.

I can work on whichever craft I want to pretty much and take my time. I go to bed and get up when I want to, most nights at least. Once in a while I can't get to sleep but no where as much as before.
I can work from home and in my jammies, eat at my desk and turn off my phone if I want total peace and quiet.

I love that I can do this, it really makes a huge difference for me!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Gratitude for 10/02/2013 and Learning Effective Beneficial Coping Skills

Today I am grateful for the fact that I am learning effective coping skills that I know will only benefit me.

I am getting to learn how to manage situations and people who used to bother me or I would get angry or upset with. I don't have to distance myself or cut people out of my life anymore. I am learning how to manage myself when I find myself in those situations and I can develop roots in my emotional life. I can develop roots and build on that solid foundation and move on to handling myself maturely. I am looking forward to enriching my life with a variety of people and experiences.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Gratitude for 9-30-2013 and Actually Being Happy!

Today I am grateful that I can claim a happy life for myself and actually be happy!

A positive attitude is so much easier for me to maintain now, I have a lot of the misery I entered psychotherapy with behind me and out of my head. Will there still be ups and downs? Of course there will be, that is life. It can be fun and devastating, life goes on...........Coping with a stronger emotional base and looking on the bright side is making my life much more fun and exciting than I can ever remember it being!

I have worked very hard and I have come a very long way! And it is doable, you just have to take that first step and never let go!

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Gratitude for 9-28-2013 and Reaching for the STARS !!

Today I am grateful to be able to reach for the STARS!!!

I am feeling better emotionally than I have in years!! There are so many techniques and strategies I can and applying to improve my life and I am loving it!! Will I have ups and downs? Of course, that is part of life; I am finding that approaching my life with a can do attitude and working through issues in a healthy manner is making all the difference to me. I am sticking with that!!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Gratitude for 9-27-2013 and Being Grateful for Being Excited Again

Today I am grateful that I am experiencing excitement once again in my life!

I have done a ton of work to get my demons behind me and out of my head and it is feeling FANTASTIC!! I handle myself much more maturely now and don't brutalize people like I once did because I was so full of rage and anger. Things just don't bother me like they once did and I can address different situations much better now because I am calmer than I was.

I firmly believe that I owe this to flat out hard work, journaling, psychotherapy and hypnosis. I am a HUGE Fan of Hypnosis, it fascinates me and I am just thrilled to be able to use it and learn more on what it can do. It is a true blessing to turn these pages in my life and to be able to see on the other side of the mountains and not be at the bottom  trying to see the top.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Gratitude for 9/26/2013 and Being Grateful That I Can Build My Life How I Want It To Be

I am so grateful and just THRILLED that I get the privilege to build my life how I want to!!

I have chosen to surround myself with loving and wonderful people!! I get to do hypnosis and get rid of behaviours that are ugly and unproductive and reprogram myself with positive and effective behaviour. It is a thrill and I love it! I so look forward to every day now and the adventures every day brings to me.

I get to spend time in person with folks who are happy to see me and who I thoroughly enjoy my time with. I get to interact with people who have similar problems to mine and we are supportive of each other. I get to chose what I eat and how I get to prepare it.  I get to indulge myself in making crafts and people actually pay me money to wear my work! I absolutely LOVE how that makes me feel, I just get ELATED about that and their reaction to my work!  That is one of the areas I am building my life on, my goal and my dream is to be self-supporting.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Gratitude for 9-25-2013 and Being Grateful for All the Miracles!

Today I am grateful for the fact that I am surrounded by miracles!

Everything around us is a miracle, our bodies, the weather, the stars in the sky, our eyes and how we see, breathe, function, our brains, absolutely everything that surrounds us is a miracle!

I find myself on a fascinating path of daily discovery, how I can better myself and getting a solid handle on my mental health. In my beginning, I got on the path to self-destruction and I am thrilled that after decades of psychotherapy, I am finally on the path I want to be on.

Part of that work has involved personal journaling and I still journal to this day and always will. Another technique has been using hypnosis and I will always rely on hypnosis. For one thing, I love it, it is the best and most relaxing process and since I am very motivated, I benefit from it.

Hypnosis is a true marvel, in my humble opinion, because it allows us to root out destructive and non-productive behaviour, examine it and reprogram it into beneficial and healthy behaviour.
If that isn't a win-win situation, I do not know what is.

I have seen hypnosis sessions on TV and they do not reflect the real McCoy. When I am being hypnotized, I am fully aware of what is going on around me, and I can choose whether I want to accept what is being said to me in this wonderfully delicious and relaxing state or if I want to reject it. There is absolutely no way that I could be forced into doing anything I do not want to do.

Currently I am working on building my self-esteem, increasing my income and being fully responsible in my life.  And everyday is better than the day before!!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Gratitude for 9-20-2013 and Learning to Say No.

"Today I am very grateful for my psychotherapist and that we are working on how to say no in a respectful and assertive way".

Have I mentioned how grateful I am for my therapist and psychotherapy in general? I am feeling so much better and happier these days, I believe that the bulk of my issues is behind me and laid to rest. Now I get to work on me and I am loving it!!

In my day to day life, I find myself in some situations where I need and want to say no, thank you but before I would fold like a cheap rug. Fear, wanting to be liked by everyone? Not wanting to rock the proverbial boat?  I now know that if I want to say no, it is ok, I absolutely can say no! I can say it kindly and respectfully, I can simply stand my ground firmly as the need be. I am min no way, shape or form obligated to fold and say yes when I can't do something or when I don't want something. The Sun will still come up in the morning and my life will carry on.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Journaling to Get My Feelings Out in the Open

I journal avidly, something bothers me and down it goes on paper. I have been in psychotherapy for decades and learned early on that writing helped me get a solid grasp on what was bothering me. This way, I can get a good look at what my issue is and how I want to modify my viewpoint on it or how to improve my behaviour to get that issues behind me. I have done a lot of work on my issues and I have come a very LONG way!!  I believe that I have gotten the issues of my childhood behind me and in doing that a lot of the overeating I was doing that was tied to those issues has subsided.

Now, I find myself turning to food because of issues in my daily life are stressing me out. I am an addict, I have an addictive personality. I did pot, speed, coke and drank to subdue my demons. Alcohol was easier to get my hands on and not as expensive so that became my drug of choice. I drank heavily for over 30 years. It is a flat out miracle that I was never in trouble with the law, I drank and drove frequently.  I also used food as a mask to not address the issues that troubled me for so many years.

I have been sober and clean for almost 6 years now. My dry date is 11-16-2007. I stopped the illegal drugs and the alcohol but I continued to overeat trying to squash the emotions I was running from desperately. I had no idea I was doing this. I had no idea how destructive I was being to myself. Everything was a struggle, I had lost control of my life.

I could not figure out how I had gotten myself there. I looked for a therapist and found the psychotherapist I still go to today. After more years of sabotaging myself, I finally understood how I had gotten to be that way.  I still struggle with sabotaging myself but I am much better than I was.

Gratitude for 9-15-2013 and Grateful That I Can Learn New Strategies

Today I am grateful that I can learn new strategies to help myself.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and a lot of other health problems many years ago. I still struggle to this day with pacing myself and how to structure my day to not exhaust myself. When I have a day where I feel halfway ok, I overdo it and make myself worse. I am very grateful that I can even sit back and revisit how to pace myself. I am very grateful for the Internet and for how easy it is to research these health problems and to connect with others who have the same conditions.

Changing old habits that no longer help me takes patience and time, but in the long run, I believe it is not time wasted. Being consistent is important, I believe. 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Gratitude for 8-25-2013 and Getting to the Bottom of My Emotional Heap

"Today I am grateful to recognize that I have reached a milestone in overcoming my overeating. I have recognized, admitted and accepted what eluded me and hurt me the deepest. I am grateful that since Thursday I have been eating much healthier and that the nagging need to stuff myself with foods that sedated me is gone".

I can not stress enough on how important and beneficial it is to face emotions that are twisted. I have found that by doing that, that behaviour loses it's grip over me and I can decide how I want to proceed. It sounds simple but it takes guts and courage to face and admit aspects about ourselves that we would rather not. By that behaviour losing it's strength over us, we can then proceed forward with healthier and more positive behaviour.   

I believe that I am incredibly fortunate to have access to psychotherapists for all of the years that I have lived in torment, lost, not knowing why I was so self-destructive, what drove me to drink, to overeat, to continually sabotage my life. It has been a very long road and it has taken a ton of work, but the benefits I receive and now experience at leaving all of that poison behind me is magnificent!!

I am surrounded by people who really love me and want me in their lives. That alone provides me with a richness I simply adore. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Gratitude for 6-4-2013 and Beginning to Thrive

I am grateful that I believe that I am finally beginning to thrive.

As human beings, we are so very much like flowers. They need nourishment, water, sunlight, a clear and clean  place to grow and thrive. So do we. With any of those factors missing, they become needy, clingy, brown and eventually wilt.

I understand now the need for community and socialization. I have very dear and loving online girlfriends who I know want me in their life as much as I need and want them in mine. I also have some in-person girlfriends who I can't wait to see and spend quality fun time with. I feel like I am finally becoming whole.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Gratitude for 6-3-2013 and Having a Boatload of Fun!!

Today I am grateful for all the fun I am having!! My life is so much FUN now!! Even going to my psychotherapy sessions are more fun and the topics are ones I am greatly enjoying. I am very grateful that, at least for now, so much darkness and pain is behind me.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Gratitude for 5/31/2013 and Emotional Needs Getting Met

Today I am grateful for the fact that I have so very much to be grateful for!!  I am also very grateful for feeling stronger emotionally and for feeling like my emotional needs are getting met. I don't feel so "desperate" like I used to feel. I don't have the incessant "cravings" like I used to have for so much, for food, clothing, sex, money etc....I don't feel worked up and needy like I used to feel for so many years. I feel calmer and more grounded now.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Gratitude for 5-28-2013 and Nourishment for my Soul

I am so grateful that the opportunity presented itself to me and I could learn to crochet, it nourishes my life, being creative and being able to put together such pretties!!

A couple of years back, I was in Walmart and I bought a kit to learn how to crochet. I love making things with my hands and I wanted to make myself my own scarf, mittens, hat in the colours I wanted to wear.  To say that it was a struggle at first is an understatement. I struggled, couldn't get it right.....this went on for a while until it finally dawned on me that I could look for help online. That search led me to Crochet Talk and that opened doors for me to make just the best girlfriends I have ever had. 

I wish I could fully describe and convey how creating makes me feel. When I gift a piece to someone, their reaction just sends me over the moon so many times.  I just ADORE it and I am grateful DAILY that I can craft.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Gratitude for 5-16-2013 and Moving at my Own Pace

Today I am grateful for the fact that I can move at the pace I need to to get stronger, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I believe that I am getting stronger every single day. I am surrounded by uplifting, nurturing people in person and online. I can not beat that. I just love it.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Gratitude for 5-14-2013 and Learning About Nutrition

I am grateful that I am finally learning about nutrition and cooking healthy.

I lost a ton of weight before, I was on a only organic diet. I really dropped the weight but there was so much I couldn't eat. This time I am eating healthier and I am not doing without the foods I enjoy, I simply eat those on occasions and in moderation. They are not what I eat the most, just once in a while. I am getting plenty to eat, I feel full for longer and I am dropping the excess weight much slower this time and that suits me just fine!!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Gratitude for 5-13-2013 and Responsible Mental Health

Today and every day I am grateful for the fact I and only I am responsible for my mental health.

I get to make my own choices and my own decisions concerning my life. It is a privilege!  I am so grateful that I live a life where I can do this. It certainly makes life a lot more interesting and fun!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Gratitude for 5-12-2013 and Overcoming Past Obstacles

Today I am grateful for being able to face situations that unnerved me before and learning how to handle them more graciously today.

I am learning to realize and keep in my brain that everything I do I want it to benefit my mental health. After all, I am responsible for me and only me. And my cat, but that is a story for another day.

I am responsible for every action I preform and for every single word I utter. How I behave is all that I have control over, not the behaviour of others. I have the ability, which everyone has, to respond how I feel I can do to maintain positive mental health for myself. I am responsible for my side of the street and only for my side of the street. How others behave and respond or react is there. I believe that this is not only my responsibility it is also my privilige.

Gratitude for 5-11-2013 and the Loving Mom Role Models I have in my life now!

Today I am grateful for all the positive  and loving "mom" role models I have in my life. They have helped me more than they could ever know!

I get to witness first hand the love between my mom girlfriends and they kids. I get to see it in person and I get to see it online. I just love it, I can't get enough of it!! I just love seeing it, it warms my heart!!!

Gratitude for 5-9-2013 and Being Grateful for This Era in Time in America

Today I am grateful for being born in the US of A and also in this century.

I am just now realizing how behind I am on posting these! I post my gratitude statements on my Facebook page, one in Crochet Talk and on the New Beginnings Church facebook page. I totally brain farted!!

Ok, I am so very grateful to be an American and also to live in a day and age where so many medical procedures are available. I doubt that I would be walking today if I have been born in a different day and time. I underwent very serious and major surgery on my Cervical Spine which is the neck area. A gifted surgeon named Dr.  K. Daniel Riew saved me from complete paralysis. I am forever grateful to be born in this day and age and to be an American.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Gratitude for 5-10-2013 and Ending Pending Doom

Today I am grateful to realize that I do not have to live under the impression of pending doom like I did for so many years. Today, I can be happy and enjoy myself, be silly and live a happy life backed up with a positive attitude!

I used to live crisis to crisis, afraid to be happy because I believed that something awful was about to happen. Today I believe that attitude is EVERYTHING!!! Facing any life events with a solid positive attitude is much better and I am finding that I can find humour in most situations and that helps me cope so much better. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Gratitude for 5-8-2013 and The Love I Feel in my Life Today.

Today I am grateful for all the positive feedback, love, encouragement and support that surrounds me every single minute of my day.

I truly feel blessed!! I am surrounded by the loveliest people,  people who I know love me because I can feel it! I see it on their faces, in their feedback, in their voices. I love how my life is today, I am very grateful for how my life is today and I am grateful that I can make it even better!!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Gratitude for 5-7-2013 and Being Able to Exercise

Today I am grateful for being able to walk and get the exercise I need.

I went to Physical Therapy this morning, I did my exercises and 3 minutes on the bike, then running errands this morning walking around one of the small local towns here, the bank, I got a small sandwich at Subway, walked to the post office, down to the bank, across the parking lot to Country Mart. I am glad I did it, but my legs are worn out!!

Monday, May 6, 2013

Gratitude for 5-6-2013 and Healing My Self-Esteem

Today I am grateful for all the chances I get to heal my self-esteem.

Self-esteem is so critically important to a person, I believe that it is your foundation! If it is frail, you are frail, if it is damaged, I believe that you are damaged. But the very best news is that your self-esteem does NOT have to remain that way. There are very easy and profoundly important things you can do to help yourself get your self-esteem healthier.

This article is helpful and there are kazillions more online!!

8 Suggestions for Strengthening Self-Esteem When You Have Depression

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Gratitude for 5-5-2013 and Grateful for Being Able to Rest up When I Need To!!

Today I am grateful for the fact that I get the time to rest up if I need to!!

Being on disability has it's pros and cons, like anything does. I am grateful that if I need to chill out and rest up, I can. And believe me when I say that I am very grateful for that!!

Gratitude for 5-3-2013 and What a Happy Life I Am Living Now!!

Today I am grateful for how beautifully my life is shaping up!!  I am grateful that I get to focus on my crafts and that I get to make pieces I love and others also like and want! That just blows me away, it is such an honour to make something people want to pay money for and they wear them on their bodies or give as gifts to people they love! WOW!!!!

I didn't post this yesterday because a girlfriend of mine picked me up ay 6 AM and we went garage sale-ing with another girlfriend and when we got in about early afternoon I was flat out BUSHED!!! I made out like a bandit! I found several blouses, a lovely raincoat in fantastic shape, a rolling pin and 3 fantastic afghans!! I got the afghans for 10 bucks total! I still can not believe it!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Gratitude for 5-2-2013 and the Gift of Sight

Today I am grateful for the Gift of Sight!

Because of sight I can drink in the beauty that surrounds me. Flowers blooming, beautiful birds, my kitty's expression when I scratch his chin........All the different shades of green that occur naturally, the food I cook, the clothing I wear. The happy pictures I get to see that my friends post to the Internet, the faces of my friends I get to see in person!!

Vision is a precious gift!!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Gratitude for 5-1-2013 and The Infinite Variety of Beads

Today I am grateful for all the different types of beads that I get to play with!!

Beads come in different textures, colours, sizes and materials. You can buy beads that are clear, opaque, paper, clear solid, of glass, gemstones, plastic, bone, porcelain.....................and I think I am accidentally leaving some materials out!

There are kazillions of bead stores, websites and other vendors and we only have the tip of the proverbial iceberg of what is available in the world. And since there is so much variety, that means that what an artist puts together is endless also!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Gratitude for 4-30-2013 and Losing Weight Sensibly

Today I am grateful that I am eating sensibly and the excess weight is coming off!

I am really enjoying losing weight this time around. I am not depriving myself of foods I enjoy, I am simply making better choices on how I put them together. I am getting enough to eat and I eat 3 full meals every day and snacks as well.  This is my 3rd go around with getting the extra weight off and I have always thought that it was possible to get the extra weight off and to keep it off by eating smart. Every week in my T.O.P.S. meetings I see folks who have gotten their weight off and they are maintaining their weight where they want it to be. And that is inspiration and comfort because I know that if someone else can do this, so can I.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Gratitude for 4-29-2013 and Playing Chess

Today I am grateful for having learned how to play chess and enjoying it so much!

Talk about brain teaser, chess can be a lot of fun and it is very challenging! Plus, in playing chess online, I get to meet new people and learn about where they live and about their culture. There are oodles of websites on how to learn to play chess and about improving your chess skills! it's all out there, ya just have to look it up!!

Gratitude for 4-28-2013 and Grateful to Have Such a Great Stock of Supplies!

Today I am grateful for all the craft materials I have in my home!

I have oodles of supplies to keep me busy for a while! I have beads, yarn, thread, fabric and I am sure I am forgetting something!! Paint!! I have lots of great acrylic paint colours!! I have Jewellery wire for putting pieces together. I am good to go for a while.

Gratitude for 4-26-2013 and Craft Potentials

Today I am grateful for all the potential Crocheting and all the crafts I make contain.

It never fails to amaze me how an individual can take a pile of materials and turn it into something beautiful and useful! You get to pick out the colours, the texture and the outcome you want! I think it is amazing!!

Everyone has different tastes, different perspectives, different takes on any given thing. And not everyone is crafty but absolutely Everyone has qualities and characteristics that they are good at!

What are you good at? What do you love to do more than anything you have ever done?

Gratitude for 4-15-2013 and Understanding How My Behaviour Feeds My Being Overweight

I brain-farted on this, so here is Gratitude for 4-15:::

Today I am grateful that I have realized that one of the reasons I am so overweight is because I am ignorant about the different foods and recipes that are available!

I have realized that I snack throughout the day instead of preparing better choices for myself. So NOT doing that any more!! I am learning how to cook healthy meals for myself so I can get this extra weight off and so I can finally KEEP it OFF!!

I am eating oodles of veggies, fresh fruits, grains and less sweets. As of 4-22-2013, I was down to 255 from 259 which is what I weighed in at when I went to my first T.O.P.S. meeting as a member. I get to weigh in again tonight.  The scale I have here at home incorrectly showed me at 250 when I weighed 259. Hopefully as I get more weight off I will be able to use it. At any rate, my focus is on preparing healthy meals and getting my weight to a manageable number.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Gratitude for 4-27-2013 and Feeling Better About Myself

Today I am grateful for the fact that over all I am feeling much better about myself.

I feel like dressing better, standing straighter, making jewellery. I really enjoy feeling better about myself and I know that my crafting has a direct and strong bearing on that. I live to be creative, without it, I shrivel up and get very depressed. My crafting truly feeds my soul. And when I get my soul fed, my life seems to fall into place very nicely. And when I can gift my work to someone because of a kindness they gifted me with or even for charity reasons, or I provide one of my handcrafted custom pieces to a customer and I get to witness their joy firsthand, I feel like I am soaring.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Gratitude for 4-25-2013 and Improving Coping Skills

I am grateful that I can better cope with situations that before stopped me dead in my tracks and I would freeze or isolate myself or turn to drink or overeating to cope. I would distance myself to manage my anxiety. I am learning and acquiring better coping skills to deal with those moments of my life.

Before, this was almost a monster in my life! I would completely avoid people or situations that intimidated me. Now I am learning patience, coping, lowering my expectations to be more realistic.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Gratitude for 4-24-2013 and Getting My Needs Met Daily

Today I am grateful that my needs get met every single day of my life!!

I have a solid roof over my head, I have plenty to eat, I have clothing I can fit in, LOL I get to go to weight loss meetings ( T.O.P.S.) and through that I have new new friends and weight loss support, I go to a church that I enjoy with good friends that I love very much!!

Do I have more wants outside of this? You bet I do and the day will come that those needs will be met too, I am steadily moving in that direction!!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Gratitude for 4-23-2013 and Cherished Friends

I am grateful for the loving friends I have around me and for how they make me feel loved every single day of my life!

Back when I was drinking, I hung out with other alcoholics and it was a very crazy life. They were not nurturing, solid people and neither was I. My life felt empty and I drank to excess trying to fill the voids I could not escape.

Now I have over 5 years of sobriety and have been in psychotherapy long enough to get to the root of what has ailed me for so many years. The friends I have today, the people I am the closest to enrich my life simply by showing up. I have dear friends who have similar interests to mine and they are loving and nurturing people.  I am a novice at crocheting and they applaud my small achievements and encourage me to do more. They love everything I create craft wise and rally behind me to support me in my weight loss journey. I would be very sad, lonely and depressed with out them!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Gratitude for 4-22-2013 and For Everything Getting Better

Today I am grateful that everything can get better!

I decide, I choose, I put it in action. I am exercising my privilege and responsibility to make all the decisions and improve the quality of my life. I can sit down and look at all the areas of my life and make choices to improve each area to the best of my ability and move forward.

We ALL can to this! It is our own personal responsibility to ourselves and it is a privilege to do.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Gratitude for 4-21-2013 and Being Grateful for Feeling Fun!!

Today I am grateful at how fun my life feels today.

I love my life today. I most fundamental needs are met and I believe that that is saying a LOT! I have dear friends who I love and they love me back. I can not beat that and I am so glad to be in a position to say that!!

The time I get to spend with dear friends is priceless to me, and with each passing day, I get to know them better and we become closer. I have never had this before and I am very grateful for each and everyone of them!!

Gratitude for 4-20-2013 and New Friends Through T.O.P.S.

Today I am grateful for my new friends I have met through T.O.P.S., the weight loss group.

I have met just the nicest people through my local T.O.P.S. chapter, the leader and his wife come and get me and bring me home from the meetings and yesterday the wife, Shirley came and got me and we went running around on Saturday. It was a gorgeous day and we had a lot of fun!! We went to a couple of garage sales, down to the lake where they have a small house that is being remodelled and back to town to pick up some much needed plumbling supplies back to the lake, we stopped off at their house, I met the pets, LOL I am plumb wore out. Sorry, I couldn't resist it, LOL

My therapist, Sandy McIntosh told me I wouldn't get better unless I got out and met people face to face and I fully see that now, she was dead on about that. My life is fuller and happier now than it has ever been!!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Gratitude for 4-19-2013 and Being Grateful for My life.

Today I am grateful for my life.

I am a recovering alcoholic and looking back at only some of the scrapes I got myself into, I could easily have died or gotten myself killed. I am very grateful for my life and for the fact that I am alive. Does this sound redundant? Having a life is a LOT to be grateful for, I believe!!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Gratitude for 4-18-2013 and Small Home Improvements

Today I am grateful for how the little changes and improvements I am doing in my little home contribute to me feeling so much better about myself.

I am so glad and grateful that I can manage some simple changes, for second hand furniture and clothes and for how important fixing up my little place is to me. I am getting my needs met here and I am very grateful for that. I am placing my mark in every room in my apartment and this is crucially important to me, plus the fact that I even care about this is huge progress for me!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Gratitude for 4-17-2013 and Being Grateful for My Computer

Today I am grateful for my computer that I got such a great deal on and the company I bought it from!

I bought a refurbished computer from Tiger Direct a year ago Christmas. It cost me about $200.00. It came with basic Microsoft but no Windows Office software. So I went searching and discovered Linux.

There are basically 3 operating systems, Microsoft, Linux and Mac. It is like having 3 different cars who all provide the same service but their individual components can not be interchanged. They are 3 separate animals, so to speak.

You can order the Linux versions and you only have to pay the postage. So, I ordered it and loaded it up to my computer and I love it. I only run into compatibility problems finding a printer that was compatible but I researched it online, finally after 2 failed attempts and my third one was a charm!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Gratitude for 4-16-2013 and Being Grateful for What I Can Get Done

Today I am grateful for everything that I am able to get done during my day.

I am just exhausted today, I can't remember what time it was when I fell asleep. I went to sleep in my recliner in front of my TV and I must have turned it off at some point because when I got up this morning, it was off. I got up at 5 AM, my usual time to get up. Looking back, I wish I would have slept in. I went to my weekly T.O.P.S. meeting, I got weighed in and I have lost a pound. I am very glad about that, it all adds up!!

I would really love to go to my Women's Bible Study tonight, but I think it best I don't go, I am feeling very tired and cranky.

I have Connective Tissue Disorder, that includes Chronic Fatigue along with a host of a kazillion other health problems that are very obnoxious. I just do my best every day and I try to take my life one day at a time.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Gratitude for 4-14-2013 and Having Access to Healthy Food Choices

Today I am grateful for all the choices I have for what I eat. I can buy foods that are good for me and stay within my budget and I am very grateful for that!!

I currently weight 260( although I think I have lots a couple of pounds but that will be verified tomorrow night when I weigh in at my weekly T.O.P.S. meeting) my doctor wants me to lose 80 pounds. So, I am looking at healthier ways to prepare my food and on eating healthier.

It isn't completely boring and lucky for me, I enjoy all sorts of foods. I don't want to look at this as dieting, I am embracing this as the way I am going to eat for the rest of my life.

Moderation is the key. Moderation means sensible portion sizes, preparing from scratch as much as I can and cutting back on the sweets. I do not crave gorging myself as I have been and that is how I got to being so overweight again. This is my 3rd weight loss rodeo and I want it to be my LAST!!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Gratitude for 4-13-2013 and Relationships

I am grateful for the close friends I have both in person and online.  I am grateful for how far I have come through these relationships and for the lovely people who surround me.

Years ago, when I was in my full board drinking life, the people I hung out with were other irresponsible alcoholics. My life was a mess, I was a mess and I am  so glad that that is but a distant memory. That was the life I knew and I knew no better.

Now, I am still in psychotherapy and am finally putting my past behind me and working hard to better my life today and I find myself surrounded by the nicest and most decent people!!  My therapist told me that if I wanted to get better, I had to get out and actually interact with other people. I had to actually meet people and make in person friends. Well, based on the people I had in my background, I did NOT want to do this; but when she told me that I had to if I wanted to get better I had to do that for me. 

So, I did.

I could not be happier with the results!! I am surrounded by nice, decent and hard working people. A lot of them are creative like I am!! I just love it, I really look forward to yakking with my friends and hanging out with them, it really adds to my life and I am very grateful for each and everyone of them!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Gratitude for 4-12-2013 and Freedom from Fear

Today I am grateful to not be living in so much fear like I used to.
 I used to hide as much as I could, just stay in, play on the computer and eat how and what I wanted to. I gained weight, hid from the world and only dealt with the bare minimums.
 Enough!!! I get out now, I joined a weight loss group, I am back going to church and getting out and about much more. I am finding myself surrounded by really nice and kind people. I love it, I really like my life now.  

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Gratitude for 4-11-2013 and No Fatalities

Today I am grateful that my area did not suffer any damage from the storms last night.

There were no fatalities from the storms that barrelled through my area last night but I am very sad that one of the electric company lost one of there workers. Such a tragedy, my prayers are going out to his family.

Missouri is in Tornado Alley and I am very grateful that for as many years that I have lived in Missouri--35 + years--I have been spared being on the receiving end of a tornado.

And that is fine by me!!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Gratitude for 4-10-2013 and For Weather Reporters and Storm Chasers

Today I am grateful for all the folks who report our weather and who help us stay safe!

I am so grateful that we all have different personalities because I don't think I would be a good weather reported and I know I would NOT be a good storm chaser!! So, I am very grateful for the folks who rise up to these occasions and who help the rest of us to stay safe!! Yawl are the BOMB!!!

Gratitude for 4-9-2013 and Freedom of Choice

Today I am grateful the I am free to make the decisions I want to for myself on my own. I am grateful that I have the ability to reason and apply logic to all areas of my life.

My life is so much more fun now. I am surrounded by wonderful people who are family oriented and loving. I have no abusive people in my life and I am very grateful for that. I am learning how to be the best I can be for myself and for my friends, to treat them with the respect they deserve. Life is good for me now and I am so very grateful for that!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Grateful for 4-8-2013 and Enjoying Creativity

Today I am grateful for the fact that I get to surround myself with handmade crafts and creativity!

Being creative and being able to actually USE what I make nourishes my soul!! I live to be creative and to enjoy my creativity. When I gift something to someone, their reaction just thrills me to no end!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Gratitude for 4-7-2013 and Having Strength to Change

" I hope you live a life you are proud of. If you find you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."  F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today I am grateful to have that very strength. I am so thankful that I can think through aspects of my behaviour and enhance what I like about myself and change what I don't. I am grateful that I can see what I don't like about myself and apply better and more productive behaviour! And it isn't that difficult. Changing the behaviour isn't that tough to do, not to me, at least. I have to face head on and accept what I don't like about myself and I resolve to change. It is all about improving the quality of my life and that motivates me! I am not saying that everything changes over night, I am saying that understanding where I am coming from makes all the difference in the world to me!

To some people change is scary. Some of it is, I agree with that. I try to look at the changes I am making in my life like an adventure and I just try my best to do my best and hope for the best possibly outcome!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Gratitude for 4-6-2013 and Some Smooth Sailing

Today I am grateful for everything that is going so beautifully in my life.

Compared to where I was, my life is a kazillion times better than it ever has! I am surrounded by people who I know love me and would be there for me with encouragement if I ever needed it. And I feel this, I know it to be my reality. I am building the life I want for myself and that alone is very powerful!

My self-esteem is getting stronger, day by day. Life is really good for me finally!!

Friday, April 5, 2013

Gratitude for 4-5-2013 and Losing Weight

Today I am grateful for knowing that believing really works and for the fact that I have lost weight before and I can do it again! I am grateful for the fact that I am fully capable of learning how to keep the excess weight off for good.

I have gained weight, lost weight, gained weight, lost weight several times in my life. I am ready to get it off for good. I am reading all the labels, if the sugars are too high, I look for a substitute. I have been cutting back and I started adding a pinch of salt to my coffee grounds before letting it perk to enhance the coffee flavor so I don't have to add so much sugar and milk. I realized that the Splenda brown sugar I have been adding was more fattening than I realized. So I have cut back on that and adding a little Stevia and it tasted ok. I could get used to it.

I have been researching herbs and spices to find out more on those and to add them to foods I eat. I have started drinking a glass of water with a fresh lemon squeezed in before breakfast. That is supposed to help me get my body's PH back where it belongs, plus other benefits like boosting my immune system, it aids in digestion, and much more. I just looked it up to find out more benefits and I am seeing that the water should be hot. Ok, switching to hot lemonade, no sugar's added.

Stay tuned for more news............

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Gratitude for 4-4-2013 and The Opportunities to Learn New Skills

Today I am grateful that I can learn new tips and techniques that I can apply to my life and make it better for me.

It is truly a wonderful feeling knowing that when something no longer serves me, I can sweep it to the past and get a fresh start in another direction! Some things I do not want to change and other's I do.

I can still learn how to best manage my finances, how to prepare healthier meals for me, taking the best care of my kitty, getting my weight under control and much much more!!

I have friends I can ask and I can also research online for what I want to do differently. Life is Good!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Gratitude for 4-3-2013 and Filling Up with Love and Support

Today I am grateful for the love, support and encouragement I feel from my friends and for the beautiful weather we are having!!

I don't feel like I am adrift in my life so much anymore. I have surrounded myself with some very wonderful and loving people and it is so healing for me!! I just LOVE it! I have some friends that I just can not wait to see and I can not remember ever feeling that way before. 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Gratitude for 4-2-2013 and New Friends and New Weight Loss Inspiration

Today I am grateful for the T.O.P.S. meeting in my area and all the kind, supportive and encouraging people I have met through there.

Last night I went to my very first T.O.P.S. meeting. A very nice couple who belong to it picked me up and brought me home. They also picked me up at 6 AM so we would go walk together. There is a local church that has an amazing exercise set up. There is a walking track, an area for basketball, an exercise room and a game room, all FREE of charge!! I walked this morning farther than I have walked in years. I feel GREAT about it, do my muscles hurt, oh, yeah, but that will subside.

The group I met last night were all very kind, helpful and supportive. I have lost a lot of weight before. I lost 163 pounds about a year and a half ago and have gained about half of it back. So, it needs to come off and in a healthy manner.

I went to the T.O.P.S. website and from there I can go to  and there I can find all sorts of meal plans, recipes and information on what I would be better off eating and what to stay away from. And that is free!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Gratitude for 4-1-2013 and Positive Female Role Models

Today I am grateful for the positive female role models I have in my life and for the positive influence they have on me. I am very grateful to be in their lives and that they are in mine.

Having positive role models is very important, I believe! I currently have several very loving and positive women who are also close friends of mine and I just cherish them!!  I am also grateful that I can recognize aspects about myself that I can either strengthen or reduce. My life can be full of 2nd chances and new opportunities! And I am grateful for that every day of my life!

And in case you're wondering what this has to do with fulfilment, by stepping out with the solid friendships that I have in my life, many of my needs are met. And that affords me fulfilment. But, I am greedy!! I want more! 

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Gratitude for 3-31-2013 and Living a Happy and Productive Life.

Today I am grateful for realizing that I can live a happy and productive life.

I am very grateful that I get to indulge in crafts the way I do. I love being creative, it nourishes my soul and helps me heal. And if I bless someone else with my talents, well all the more nourishment I feel!

I love bright colours, all of them!! I love that we can get bright colours and make them brighter or softer. I love how colours go together especially in a field of wildflowers!  I love that we all have different colours of hair, eyes, skin tone.

My crafts are simple, but they get the point across. My point, what I want to say about my work, how I choose to express myself. 

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Gratitude for 3-30-2013 and Being Grateful for My Sewing Machine.

Today I am grateful for my sewing machine and for the fact that I can research online how to adjust the tension!!

I enjoy sewing even though I stink at it. There are so many beautiful fabrics and just TONS of ideas to put together!! And I don't even know a minute fraction of them and it still blows my mind!!

I am also very grateful for the fact that I can go online and research how to set the proper tension. Without being able to do this from my own home, well, I would not be sewing much at all, I don't think. I would have to get a book or get to the library to find the info I need. I am grateful that I can research this from home!!

I love crafting and making pieces I can use with my own two hands, it feeds my soul! I am very grateful that I can do several different crafts! I get to cover a LOT of bases!!!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Gratitude for 3-29-2013 and How Healing Close Friends Are

Today I am grateful for my closest friends and how our interactions heal me.

There is a group of women in my life who have been and are every day a strong and positive presence in my life and they have helped me heal in ways that I so desperately needed over the years. I could no more have realized what I was missing out on until I met them and began to experience some of life's joys. Simple pleasures that are everyday occurrences in these women's lives that were completely missing in mine.

I am so very grateful for these women who are in my lives and I hope that everyone can experiences what I experiences with these dear friends of mine.

I seek fulfilment and I know that these women are a big part of getting me to that goal. I can only hope that I have the impact on their lives that they have on mine. 

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Gratitude for 3-28-2013 and Eating Healthy

Today I am grateful for all the online websites that provide the information and recipes for eating healthy.

To me, it is mind boggling the information we have access to online. I have found a kazillion recipes and information on eating healthy for losing weight, heart problems, diabetes and on and on and on.....There are websites where you can enter what you have eaten that day and track your progress, weight loss, etc.

I think it is really astonishing what all we can look up and find. Kitchen short cuts, exercises on targeting this part of the body or that part of the body. Getting rid of stretch marks or acne scars, it is all there! Just GOOGLE it!!

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Gratitude for 3-27-2013 and Being Creative

Today I am grateful for the Sun shining, for the fact that I get to set up my own schedule, for my sewing machine that works and is older than I am and for beautiful and fun fabric. I am grateful that I am blessed with being creative and talented.

It is all of 24 F, -6 C here in my little neck of the Missouri Ozarks. The Sun is out and shining beautifully so that helps. That always helps, I think.

I love that I get to be creative! It feeds my soul to make pieces I can wear, gift to friends and use in my home. I love making unique pieces, true one of a kinds. I get to pick out the style I want, the colours, how it fits, make it whatever size I want and need. I can not beat that!

Do you get to craft? I would love to hear about what you make too!!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Gratitude for 3-26-2013 and Uses for Baking Soda.

Today I am grateful that there are so many beneficial and healthy  uses for such inexpensive products like baking soda.

I went on a search for an inexpensive alternative to shampoo and came across a kazillion different uses for baking soda!! I am on a fixed income and the shampoo I have will not make it to my payday in April. I am so glad I went looking because a whole new world has opened up to me!!

Google it if you don't believe me, LOL I have been mixing up a paste of 1 part baking soda and 2 parts of water and I have been washing my hair with that. The benefits so far are that my hair has a fraction of the static electricity that it had before, how I comb it it has pretty much stayed in place and it looks and feel clean. I wear my hair short and most of the time I am trying to keep my hair out of my eyes because it falls forward so much. Not any more!! WOW! I had no idea!!

I will be experimenting with sprinkling it on my carpet then vacuuming it up, also adding baking soda to the water I will be using to clean my kitchen and bathroom floors. 

I am also using my baking soda paste to wash my face and I like the results, it feels clean!

 I am washing my dishes with a mix of baking soda and vinegar and I also  lemon juice if I want to and it works beautifully!! You simply can not beat the price!! I am going to incorporate more baking soda into my daily life as I go and in April when I do my shopping I am excited about the money I won't have to spend on cleaning products and not having to smell those chemicals!

As I use baking soda and other economical products in my home, I will be sharing my results on here but I encourage you to look it up and see how many different uses it has!! It can benefit you too!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Gratitude for 3-25-2013 and Our Armed Forces.

A Facebook friend of mine posted this graphic and therefore Today I am grateful for the courage and devotion of our Armed Forces, deceased, retire, inactive, and active, also the Reserves, without their sacrifices all of our lives would be totally different, I believe.


  I believe that their families serve along side them. I have lived overseas in Venezuela in the 1970ies and I have made 2 trips to Mexico. Every time I returned to the States, I remember being so grateful to be back on American soil. We have our problems, of course we do. I would rather live here than anywhere else in the world.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Gratitude for 3-24-2013 and Being Warn, Dry and Mentally Fed.

Today I am grateful for our weather reports because as much as they vary, most of the time, we get plenty of advance notice so we can be prepared for messy weather events. I am also grateful for all the Internet offers, I get to read up on whatever my heart desires!!

It is snowing here now and I am very grateful to be inside where I am warm and safe. My kitty is also safe and warm, we both have plenty to eat and drink. I am very grateful for this and I thank God daily for this. I am also grateful that I had plenty of advance notice so I could get to the grocery store and purchase what I needed to buy. I am set until I get my next disability check on 4-3.

Any subject I want to read up on is available on the Internet. I LOVE Wikipedia!! If I have a million and one questions, I can find a million and one answers on there and also a ton of other websites on the net.

I think that ROCKS!! And I am very grateful for the information that feeds my mind!!

Gratitude for 3-23-2013 and Freedom

Today I am grateful that I have choices and for the fact that I can actually put those choices into my reality. I am grateful to be an American and to enjoy the freedom we have here. I am grateful that I live in the US and that I was born here. I am grateful to our Military who have fought for us and for those who fight today.

I have lived overseas and have travelled twice to Mexico. I believe that hands down, this country is the best place to be. I am very grateful to have been born here and to live here. And to live where I want to. I decided that I wanted to move here many years ago. No one told me to move here. I am free to make that decision on my own. 

I can write a blog if I want to or not. Obviously there are guidelines I have to abide by, which is my choice to make. I know that this freedom has come with a terrible price and while I can not fully comprehend everything that makes up that price, I am very grateful that it has been paid for me.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Gratitude for 3-22-2013 and Setting Goals

"Today I am grateful for being able to set realistic goals to accomplish and to be able to believe to do more".

I have been working on goal setting for a couple of months now and I love it! I am doing simple goals and working my way up to bigger things. I started with statements of gratitude on 1-1-2013 and it is truly life changing and I am just getting started. I am confident that I will be able to voice daily statements of gratitude until the day I die!

I have so much to be grateful for, I believe that everyone does. It is amazing to me the change it has had on my attitude! I firmly believe that attitude is everything. My life is far from perfect but my attitude about my life means everything in how I conduct myself. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Gratitude for 3-21-2013 and Being Independent

Today I am grateful for all the good health I DO have, I am grateful for what I can get done and I am grateful that I can live independently.

 I am also grateful that I have realzed that I am going to switch this over to a Blog about GRATITUDE, that way, everything I do can go in that.

See ya on the flip side...............

Here is my new blog:::

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Gratitude for 3-19-2013 and Learning to Eat Healthy

Today I am grateful for all the food, spices and herbs I have access to. They really afford me the variety I enjoy in cooking!

I belong to a community co-op and they offer really good prices! I use it mostly for the fruit and veggie basket they offer for $21.00 and buying what they offer in it would easily cost twice as much in any grocery store. For the same quality that is.

I love to cook but cooking for one person is no fun.  I had some friends over Saturday night for dinner and it was a lot of fun! I am still a halfway decent cook! I fixed black beans in my crockpot and added some coleslaw mix to them. I am happy with how it turned out. We also had a big salad and that was also with fixings from the co-op. It was fun, I will work on inviting more friends over.

I am not struggling with the intense cravings I used to have. I have been using the cocoa I bought by adding some to my morning coffee grounds and  I made chocolate pancakes the other night, they were really good! I will definitely be making those again!! Everything in moderation, that is the key!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Gratitude for 3-18-2013 and the Sense of Touch

Today I am grateful for my sense of touch. I get to feel so many different textures, my kitty's fur, the scratchy pads I wash my dishes with, the softness of a plant and on and on and on..............the list could simply never end.........

 You know how flowers just feel beautiful? And fabric feels soft or course, wool or denim. Food can be hot or cold, stringy or solid. I believe that touch is fascinating if I think about it.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Gratitude for 3-17-2013 and Enjoying Life

"Today I am grateful that my kitchen table is so beautifully inagaurated and that the food turned out edible last night, LOL I have handwritten notes on my place mats!! I love it"!!

I fixed a nice big salad and I crockpotted black beans and added some cole slaw mix that didn't have any dressing on it. I need to practise my cornbread recipe which I did not make yesterday. I didn't want to try out a new recipe on guests. So, I will practise.

My father died in St. Patrick's Day in 1979. This day doesn't bother me like it used to. I used to be an emotional wreck on this day but I processed a ton of feelings about it and it no longer bothers me like it once did. 

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Gratitude for 3-16-13 and Needing to Lose Weight Yet Again

"Today I am grateful for all the weight loss recipes and websites that are available on the World Wide Web. I am grateful that I have the capacity to lose weight".

I want to hide inside my obesity because I feel safe in here. How's that for distorted emotions? This Monday I am going to my first T.O.P.S.'s meeting. It is only about $30.00 for the year and I will get a year subscription plus the support at the meetings.

Anybody have an experience with T.O.P.S.? I'd love some feedback.

This isn't my first rodeo, I have lost close to a hundred pounds in the early 1990's, I lost 50% of my total body weight from 2009 to 2011, that was 163 pounds I dropped. That took me 2 years. Now, I told myself some rationalizations and here I am again, morbidly obese at 250 pounds. I am 5'3" and I am not getting any younger. It's time to get this weight off and keep it off.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Gratitude for 3-15-2013 and Losing Weight.

"Today I am grateful for the volunteer Firemen who showed up at my apartment yesterday and so thoroughly tried to find the source of the burning plastic we all smelled. No source found and no fire concerns either so Yeah, God for that" !!

My weight is now 255 pounds. My therapist recommended T.O.P.S. I am waiting to hear back from the man who leads the meeting nearest to me. I don't have a car and I can't use the local transport system because the meeting is from 4:30 to 5:30. Hopefully someone will be able to pick me up and bring me home. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Gratitude for 3-14-2013 and New Beginnings

"Today I am grateful for Spring, for the chances to have new beginnings and the ability to start over".

Spring is on it's way, that is one of the things I like most about Winter, I know that Spring is coming!  And it is gorgeous here today with the Sun out and shinning beautifully.

I am grateful that I can figure out where I am off and think through carefully how I want to get back on with my life. I thank God for second chances!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Gratitude for 3-13-2013 and Healing Old Wounds

"Today I am grateful for the ability we humans have to be healed from even the deepest of wounds".

 It is encouraging to know that old wounds can be healed. Someone who is motivated can completely change their life around. Most of us carry around pain and wounds that are decades old without realizing it. Help is available, there are resources that are available. I am very grateful that psychotherapy has been available to me when I needed it.  

There are folks who barrel through life because somewhere along the way in their life, that worked for them. Or that is what they thought. So, they see no reason to change and they continue to barrel through life with no consideration for others. Sounds like a lonely life to me. And millions live like this every single day.

I am grateful that I don't. I have people around me who care for me, care about me. And I am grateful for each and every single one of them!!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Gratitude for 3-12-2013 and Tasting Delicious Foods

Today I am grateful for the ability to Taste. This affords me a whole new world to explore!!

Ice cold beverages to piping hot beverages, delicious foods! Ooey gooey brownies to a delicious omelet and everything in between, I am grateful for the ability to Taste!

I love to explore new foods and to try out different herbs and spices. New recipes are an adventure to try out, I believe!

Juicy fruits, a strong cup of coffee, hot teas, creamy pies, steak, avocados......I could go on and on and on.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Gratitude for 3-11-2013 and Healing Crafts

"Today I am grateful that my wounds can be healed. Today I am grateful for my crafts I do because they nourish my soul".

I get to enjoy crafting every single day if I so desire and I just LOVE that!! I get to sew, paint, crochet and  play with beads every single day of my life and I just love that and I am very grateful for this talent I have. I get to play around with design and colour and I really love that!!! Crafting is very healing for me and I am grateful that I get to indulge and bless my friends and donate my work to benefit others.

I have been journaling to get to the bottom of my fears and why I overeat and I am feeling some changes. I know that my weight is my buffer and I am working on making myself emotionally stronger to I don't feel the need to be fat to isolate me from others who I perceive could hurt me. It is a distorted point of view, in reality, my being obese is horrible for my health.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Gratitude for 3-10-2013 and Finding My Own Voice

"Today I am grateful for the fact that I have the right to find and use my own voice. I am grateful for the fact that I have my own power, for finding my way to tap into my power and the right to use that power".

Somewhere inside of us lives our voice. Not collectively, but personally inside each and everyone of us lives our voice. It reflects who we are at all stages of our lives. Whether or not we use it is completely up to us.

Why not use it? When we do use it, it reflects who we are and what we think of ourselves. I want my inner reflection of myself to be strong and confident, not fearful and co-dependent as it has been for so many years.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Gratitude for 3-9-2013 and Facing My Fears

"Today I am grateful for the ability to face and accept my fears because once I fully face and accept them, they lose their power over me. I do not want to live a life of fear, I want to live a life of fulfilment".

I am afraid of men.My ex was severely abused as a child and he was abusive to me when we were married. Guess what, the men I dated after him were either abusive or controlling.  I have done a lot of work in this area but apparently not enough because it is still an issue for me. 

I have some guy friends and they truly are all very nice men. They are all married. I don't have any single very nice guy friends. I don't do anything to seek any out.  I don't want my past to repeat itself. So, this is one of the biggest reasons I overeat. My fat serves as a buffer from the outside world; in reality I am ruining my health.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Gratitude for 3-8-2013 and the Benefit of Hearing.

"Today I am grateful that I can hear and for all the benefits that hearing brings me".

I love music. Because I can hear, I get to enjoy music, a baby laughing, my cat meowing to me, a knock on my door. I can hear the snow crunching beneath my feet and the driving rain  against my window. I can hear the dogs barking in my neighbourhood and when my mailman drives by.  I am very grateful for all these noises I get to enjoy in my life daily!!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Gratitude for 3-7-2013 and Seeking Fulfilment

"Today I am grateful that I can even consider seeking fulfilment".

fulfilment: a feeling of satisfaction at having achieved your desires.

I used to think gaining fulfilment meant moving to Tibet and studying with a yogi or fill in the blank with the appropriate spiritual leader.

I was wrong.

I can gain and reach fulfilment right here in my own little apartment!  According to the dictionary, fulfilment means a feeling of satisfaction at having achieved my desires.  Right now, I desire to finish this blog post and publish it to my blog. Simple. Easy Peasy. It is good to raise the stakes and aspire for me, which, believe me, I do.

I believe that the point is that by doing gratitude daily and having a attitude of being thankful carries me a very long way. There is much I can do to help out others in ways where I can use my skills and talents to benefit others.  

As I practise daily gratitude and I realize how much better I feel about my life, I find myself feeling stronger,  I find myself dealing more effectively with personalities I would have gone to great lengths to avoid before. I feel braver and much more motivated to get myself out there and live and enjoy life!!  My therapy sessions go much smoother now and are much happier than they used to be.

What about you? What can you do to benefit others in your little neck of the woods?

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Gratitude for 3-6-2013 and the Friendships I Have

"Today I am grateful for the dear friends I have in my life. I am grateful for each and every one of them. They all enrich my life"!

When I was drinking, the people n my life were also drinkers. My life almost revolved around drinking, going to bars and getting wasted.  I think that wasted is an excellent way to describe that behaviour because it is a huge waste of time. Time and life get wasted or got wasted by me. I am so grateful to be clean and sober today. I don't want to miss anything or forget anything  get to experience.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Gratitude for 3-5-2013 and the Miracles That Surround Us.

"Today I am grateful for vision. I am grateful that I can see and for what I see, visible to me and seeing and understanding with my mind. I am grateful for being able to enjoy the brilliant and varied colours of nature and the stars in the sky".

How our eyes work just astounds me! Our bodies are true miracles, as is, I believe, everything that surrounds us! Our hair that grows, how it comes out in colours, how symmetrically  trees, bushes and flowers grow. And I know I am getting no where close to all the miracles and beauties there are in nature.

The weather, how it is hot or cold, rain or when it snows amazes me. Gravity and how our planet stays on track and rotates around the Sun. The Sun!! How wild is it that the Sun exists!! Blows my mind!! The moon and how some planets have several moons. It all amazes me!!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Gratitude for 3-4-2013 and Learning Coping Skills

"Today I am so very grateful that inspite of the fact that I drank and drove while intoxicated so heavily and recklessly for so many years ( at least 30 plus) that I was never involved in any serious accidents or in taking any lives".

I look back on what I can remember of my drinking days and it still amazes me that I ever had any bad accidents or hurt another human being. I got myself in some very hairy situations, but I always managed to get out of them.  I know that not everyone is so lucky, I see that frequently in the news.

I was hurting and drinking provided me with an escape. I had no solid coping skills then. Today I have better coping skills and am working to add them to my life and to my behaviour.  The things that used to set me off no longer bother me, I am handling myself better. I still have a long way to go but it is a much happier journey for me than it ever was.

 No alcohol I drank and no drugs I took get anywhere close to the joy and happiness I am experiencing now. Not by a longshot!!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Gratitude for 3-3-2013 and Accepting Our Darkest Parts of Ourselves

"Today I am grateful for the ability we have to recognize and accept our short comings and that by facing and accepting those short comings, they lose their power over us. We can change then that behaviour and implement better and healthier behaviour".

If something is bothering me, I do best if I sit down and journal it out. That way, I get a good and solid look at how I feel about that aspect of myself and I can decide how I want to progress. More often than not, I talk to my therapist, Sandy McIntosh, about it. The more I stuff my feelings and try to act like they don't bother me, the worse it gets for me. I just feel miserable. No matter how small or how big I feel that behaviour is, once I face it and accept it as part of my personal reality, it deflates. It loses it's power over me.

 Facing it is my biggest weapon about getting a handle on that behaviour and getting it switched. I get to take a hard look at it square in the face and say:

You don't scare me anymore. I am bigger than you are!! I have better coping skills now and I don't want to be that way any more.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Gratitude for 3-2 and Facing My Fears

"Today I am grateful for being able to recognize my fears and address them to the best of my ability".

My therapist tells me that she thinks that I am afraid of people. I tend to avoid some people because I worry that they are going to try to get the better of me or place me in a situation where I have to behave a certain way for them to stop and other fears...I am talking about hassles of everyday living.

One coping skills my therapist taught me is to respond with laughter. Not to mock or to ridicule who I am talking to, but to simply laugh it off. And believe me, that has come in very handy!!

One of the SMTS Drivers told me just in conversation that he is like a duck, he just  lets things just roll right off of him. And like Sandy (my therapist) tells me, when someone is behaving in a manner that bothers me, it isn't personal, it is on them. Chances are that they behave that way to others as well. That is their side of the street and I am only responsible for mine.

 I think that I need to practise my people skills by interacting with people I find to be difficult to sharpen my interacting skills and reduce my fears of people.  I am creative and intelligent, I can do this! And like doing anything worthwhile, it will take practise.

People do the very best that they can with what they have to work with, I want to do my best to expand my coping skills to improve my life and beautify MY side of the street. I do not want to live in fear anymore.

Gratitude for 3-1 and Being vulnerable

 "Today I am grateful for the fact that I can look inside me and address my fears. I am grateful that I am in the right environment to learn how to overcome my obstacles, embrace my vulnerabilities and learn to live courageously."

I went searching and found this article that I think is wonderful: 

I recommend it to read, it covers very important facts about being vulnerable.

But vulnerability embraces boundaries and trust, she says. “Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.”

I thought that being vulnerable was a sign of frailty, but it isn't. I believe that it is important to recognize who can be trusted with our deepest parts of ourselves from those who can't. Not everyone clicks but I think t is important to realize that we need to make sure that we keep our side of the street clean. Someone else's behavior is their side of the street. That is their deal, not yours or mine. 

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Gratitude for 2-28-2013 and Being Surrounded By Miracles

"Today I am grateful for all the miracles that surround me. How our bodies work, how weather works, plants, trees growing, all the miracles of Spring and new life! I know I am leaving so much out that is simply not occurring to me. I believe that everything is a miracle".

I lose weight, I gain weight, I open up my eyes and take in the world around me. I hear peace and quiet, people talking, birds singing, I walk here and there, touch heat, cold, texture, I taste fruit, sugar, I smell wonderful aromas or the worst ones. My hair never fails to grow and my hair colour is consistent. I have only about 2 grey hairs on my head and I have cowlicks on my head. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes and each one has a nail.

My heart beats with no help from me and I am always breathing. I step outside and I feel winter, I can see winter all around me. The trees and plants are showing their winter garb and I don't hear as many birds as I do the other seasons of the year. How do birds know to fly south or where to find food? What is my cat's personality so consistent?

I believe that I am surrounded by miracles!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Gratitude for 2-27-2013 and Accepting What I Cannot Change

"Today I am grateful for that my emotional life is so much better than it was. I am grateful for being able to feel happy and to look forward to getting up in the morning".

There are so many emotions I want to feel! I know that I am an emotional eater and have realized that when I am bored, I want to eat. I am working on doing something beneficial rather than eating to rid myself of boredom. I know that I have put in place eating comfort foods to help me deal with unpleasant emotions I have experienced over my life time. 

I have been working on separating eating when I am hungry from eating when I am anxious. Some days are better than others I fully admit that. We recently had a bad storm blow through here and I was very anxious about losing power. I have absolutely NO Control over that so I believe I have to work on what I have control over and what I don't have control over and accepting life as it comes. The Serenity Prayer covers that. 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
--Reinhold Niebuhr

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Gratitude for 2-26-13 and Benefits from Loving People.

"Today I am so grateful for all the wonderful relationships and friendships I have in my life today! My friends when I was drinking and living in chaos were in bad shape just like I was. Today, I have wonderful friendships and relationships with people who are creative, talented, love their families and provide me with so MUCH inspiration!! I am just delighted with the wonderful friendships and relationships I have today, they warm my heart!  I am surrounded by kind and loving people and I am forever grateful for that!"

My life is so very different today. I drank heavily for about 30 years, from the early 1980ies until the day I took my last drink on November 16, 2006. I have been clean and sober since then. It took me a while to be able to recognize and appreciate people who were healthier choices for me and also for me to become a better person so I wasn't chaos driven and desperate for any company I could get my hands on. I can be selective now and take my time in figuring out who I want to be friends with and also learning to not cave and run at the first sign of behaviour that makes me uncomfortable. I am better at rolling with it rather than shutting everyone out and hibernating like I did for so many years. I don't want to hibernate any more, I want to enjoy life and have fun!  And believe me, I am!! I get to create with beads or crochet yarn, fabric, I am getting back into cooking more and doing my best to appreciate the little and the important aspects of my life! And it is a wonderful feeling! Never once did any alcohol or drugs I dabbled with provide me with the happiness I feel every day spending time with my friends either online or in person, the thrill I get when I deliver a custom piece of jewellery. They are wanting to wear MY Designs on their bodies! They pay me to design and make for them beaded jewellery and believe me, it is an HONOR!!!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Gratitude for 2-25-13 and Facing Fears.

"Today I am grateful for recognizing more feelings I eat to protect and being able to journal about them and discuss with my therapist. I am grateful that I have the ability to learn how to make my life better"!

Last night I was trying to figure out why I work at staying fat and I asked myself what does being overweight do for me. I believe that it serves as a buffer for me. Most people ignore me, I don't have to deal with unwanted attention of any kind, I feel that it somehow protects me from criticism but I am ruining my health.  I am ashamed of how I look with no clothes on and I am full of stretch marks. Men I have dated in the past were abusive and controlling and bullied me into submission and feeling dependent on them, I caved. I was afraid to try to manage my life on my own so I caved out of fear instead of standing up for myself or not allowing them space in my life.

I feel like I am afraid of so much!! I have been slowly and as thoroughly as I can addressing and facing those fears. I really am ready to get on with my life and to not be held back by so much fear! It serves no purpose for me, I am not benefiting from it, I want to be bold and courageous about my life!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Gratitude for 2-24-13 and Sunday Thoughts....

"Today I am grateful for my smoke detectors in my apartment even though they have been BEEPING since last night!! I know they are here to keep me safe and I appreciate that! I am also grateful for the SUN coming out today and hopefully melting the rest of the ice and snow we have here. I am grateful I have my home to be home bound in and that I do not HAVE to get out in this cold mess!"

It could always be worse, I could be without smoke detectors in the first place. 
I am fixing potatoe soup today, it looks delish. 

I called my landladies and I am hoping the smoke detectors will be fixed really soon cos the beeping is obnoxious and I really could do without it!

A lot of the snow has melted which is good. There is some kind of new storm blowing through in a day or so. 

I am so grateful to be nice and warm in my little apartment with my kitty and to not have to get out and drive and be in that! It brings back a lot of memories of the days that  had to!

Anybody watching the Oscars tonight?? I will be for sure! I LOVE Award Shows.

I am not feeling philosophical today so I am out of here. Happy Sunday!!

See yawl tomorrow..........................

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Gratitude for 2-23-13 and Happily Crafting

"Today I am grateful for good friends putting together and bringing me my co-op order and for my sweet kitty enjoying what I crocheted for him!"
I crocheted a 12 by 17 inch sleeping mat and put it in a box I got from my local co-op. Today I added denim to the sides and added his name in buttons to the side of it. 
I crocheted him a red 12 by 17 inch sleeping mat, and placed it inside the box which I have covered the sides with denim fabric and sewed on his name in buttons which I have a kazillion of. He likes it, so I am happy with it. I learned a lot and for my first one I don't think it turned out to badly. 
  I received my co-op goodies, lots of fresh fruit and veggies plus some other items I ordered. One of my girlfriends brought it to me because there is still a lot of slippery places and I don't get out in snow and ice. I can't risk a fall so I stay inside. I am so grateful to my girlfriend who brought me my goodies!! She was on a tight schedule, so she couldn't stay. She's one busy lady!!
 Making my kitty his bed and him actually using it contributes to me feeling good about myself and I just love that feeling. I look at the picture of my kitty and I think: Wow! I actually made that! Very cool!!