Friday, October 26, 2012

Trying to Stop Emotional Eating

 I went to check my email today and guess what I found?

A slideshow about having figuring out if you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

DING DING DING!!! That would be me!!  Although, I have not been feeling as ravenously hungry as I had been. My weight has swelled up to 223 pounds. It was climbing steadily weekly, but I have held steady at 223 pounds for about one week now. I am delighted to not feel the hunger pangs I was having.

I went and visited my friend who lives up the street from me and apologized again for my absence and how it never crossed my mind that my behavior would affect her so.  I have also come to realize that my behavior was very abusive and no telling how many other people I have pushed away who have felt the same.

So, in therapy today, we talked about that and how I can behave better in this regard. There are lots of people I owe apologies to.

I noticed that the day I went and apologized to my neighbour, my appetite level dropped and has remained lower since that day.

Here's the link to the slideshow through iVillage:|10-26-2012|

It is very educational and also offers some great tips on how to modify behavior. 

If you want to email me, please do so and also give me a heads up here so I don't delete your email. I don't open everything in my spam folder.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Overcoming My Fears

My therapist tells me that the only way to deal with fear is to face it and do what  am afraid of.  For example. I am afraid of rejection, dealing with people I think are difficult, and lots of other issues and the only way for me to overcome my fears in these areas is to face them and put myself in those situations I avoid.

I am talking about hassles of everyday living here, folks. Not fears of guns or fire or dangerous things like that. Hassles of everyday living. And I will and can only address my own issues.

Part of me is very reluctant to get out and meet people because I lack the coping skills to deal with them. But, part of me is very lonely and really NEEDS to get out and meet new people face to face.  I will come up with a million reasons to NOT get out and meet new people. But at the bottom of that heap of excuses is my fear of rejection. I am excellent at pushing people AWAY from me, I do that, I believe, before they get a chance to. A chance that exists most likely only in my mind, not in theirs. So, I avoid and I overeat to assure myself that all is ok when it really isn't. But, if I have a happy appetite, I can pretend that all is well in my world.

I rationalize that it is ok while all these emotions flounder around unaddressed. I really want these fears I have to lose their power over me, I do not want to continue to be a prisoner of my fears.

If you want to email me, please, do so here:

Please, GIVE ME A HEADS UP if you are emailing me. Some days I am a dork and I delete everything from my SPAM folder without checking because I don't want to risk opening the wrong email.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Why Overeat in the First Place??


I am Landon and I overeat because a very long time ago I began to overeat to stuff feelings and emotions that are not met. So, if I am in a food stupor, everything is satisfied. And I get to go about my life that is in a state of oblivion. Then I do it again and again and again because I had no idea why I was overeating. I just know that I was miserable and my life was a mess.

I don't want to overeat any more. I don't want to ruin my health. I don't like being so overweight.

I do love to be creative and I work hard at that. Please visit my other blog for that:

 I am 55 years old and only recently came to fully realize how the family dynamics I was raised in shaped how I have lived my life. Many years of self-destructive behavior which I to this day, struggle with. I am my own worst enemy and don't really know why that is.  I have a lot of negative self-talk which is getting much better than it used to be. I am impulsive and do a lot of thngs without carefully thinking them through. My biggest focus right now is trying to come up with crafts I can sell and hopefully one day to get off of Social Security Disability. I also am noticing that I am more focused on what I want to do and who I want to be rather than thinking about how angry I was over my family and all the problems that stemmed from that. So, now n psychotherapy, I get to work on me and what I need, what I want to do. I have XYZ need, how do I get that met?

So, what can I do? I am reading a book called "Listen to the hunger: Why We Overeat"  It is an eye opener.

I have been in psychotherapy off and on since 1990. That was 22 years ago. And I only just realized that my destructive behavior is closely tied to my family dynamics that I was born into, raised in.  I am working to understand what I am doing wrong and how to correct it and what to correct it too.

I tend to isolate myself from people because I have poor coping skills with people I deem difficult. I only go out if I have to and that is to the grocery store then back home. I spend a huge amount of my time glued to my computer and the Internet.

I need to work on developing some kind of social life and develop friendships with tangible human beings. I have several online Internet friends who I very much look forward to interacting with.

I have a friend who lives down the street from me, she is married and lives with her husband and 3 of their sons. We became friends some years back and I have been invited to several of her family Holiday get togethers. I have problems with Clinical Depression and for several months had to be off my anti-depressants due to another health issue. My depression became overwhelming and I cut myself off from everyone I knew. To me,  was taking care of me somehow. That made sense to me.

I am back on my anti-depressants and after being on them for about a month, I felt good about callng her up. To my shock and surprise, she was upset that she hadn't heard from me all that time. She had tried to call me but my number was out of service. The number she had was to a cell phone I had that I returned to the place I bought it from.

It had never once crossed my mind that anyone would care like that about me. I was so wrapped up in my depression and being overwhelmed that I never once thought that she or anyone else would be affected. I apologized to her profusely and tried to explain it to her, but how do you explain severe depression to someone who has no concept of that that is like?

Anybody out there relate to this?

Do you eat when you feel anxiety? Nervous, tired, angry, fill n the blank with your emotion that you stifle with food? Or Alcohol or drugs or whatever else you manage those feelings with that is unhealthy for you.

I am a recovering alcoholic. I will have 5 years of sobriety on November 16, 2012. I don't struggle with wanting to drink like I struggle with eating right. I gave up one addiction while still being tightly wrapped around another.

If you want to contact me, please do so!
Give me also a head's up on here so I am on the lookout for your email. I usually delete most of my spam folder without checking it. My Bad!!