Monday, January 8, 2018

365 Days of Gratitude


Today, Monday, January 8, 2018, I am grateful for the tears streaming down my face.

During my first year at SLU, I found out that my brain wasn't working properly. That problem resulted in classes I had to withdraw from, plus one I flunked because I didn't fully understand what was going on with me. During 2017, I found out in therapy that my problem was due to mental health issues, one specific one I had never been told I had.

I found out that I have Complex PTSD. That means that my upbringing was so violent and abusive that I ended up with Clinical Depression PLUS Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

As I educated myself on that topic,
more and more of my behavior began to finally make sense.
I knew I had serious depression problems, but I finally knew what was missing.

Back to my formal education, for me to progress in my classes and graduate one day, I have to be able to write research papers following specific formatting instructions. I would try to read those instructions during my earliest semesters at SLU, but I could not understand any of it. I recognized that the words were all in English but I could not tie them together to make any sense.

That terrified me.

If I cannot find a place where I can earn my living, how can I portray credibility? If I cannot present myself as knowledgeable regarding alcoholism and getting better, I can't support myself and earn a decent living. If I can't do that, I will never get myself out of poverty.

I work hard to resolve as much as possible to improve my mental health issues on a daily basis. I work harder on that than anything I have ever done in my entire life. I know that healing mentally to the best of my ability is crucial to my work and any success I hope to achieve. 

Yesterday, Sunday morning, I was going over my assignments in my upcoming class and I saw that MLA Formatting is to be included in essays assigned for that class. I googled MLA and found a website that detailed out the instructions. It covered about two pages. 

I understood every word of it PLUS I read through ALL of it without having to take a break!!

This is HUGE progress for me and I cannot be more excited or grateful for it.

And I Thank You for reading ALL of this, LOL

What are you grateful for today?
I would LOVE to hear ALL about it!


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