Today, Friday, September 1, 2017, I am grateful that it is easier for me to recognize the toxic behavior my family pummeled me with all of the years I lived under their roof. For most of my life( I am 60), I did not realize how badly I was being abused. I thought that I was defective and deficient. No matter what I tried to achieve, neither mother nor my two older sisters appreciated my attempts.
They trained me to fail and when I did fail, they were vile and more monstrous still. Nothing I ever did was good enough. If there was something I wanted to do, it would be nitpicked and criticized so much that I just gave up on trying to please them or gain their approval. I didn't know then that no matter what I did, it would never be enough and to this very day, that still stands. My very own flesh and blood daily engaged in a violent campaign to make me their punching bag they could assault with the rage, fury, and hatred they carried inside.
Now, today after decades of recovery, relapses, and with extensive psychotherapy, I am healing.
I get to choose how I want to behave and what I want to do with my life.
While I know that I will have to work on freeing myself from my background for the rest of my life, I am grateful that I can recognize it, run it through the technique that I developed to manage that horrific burden they padlocked me into, and decide how I want to behave.
What are you grateful for today? I would LOVE to hear ALL about it!!